[-4]  This is the last issue of City Paper. The district attorney is legally permitted to seize it from you at any time.

[+1]  This is the last issue of City Paper. Thank you for storing your garbage in our boxes.

[-5]  This is the last issue of City Paper. Orange is the new not around anymore.

[+3]  This is the last issue of City Paper. Does anyone know the Blue-Book value on a gently used A.D. Amorosi? Asking for a friend.

[-1]  This is the last issue of City Paper. Stu Bykofsky outlived us.

[+5]  This is the last issue of City Paper. Thus ends the 250-year run of the publication that began as Benjamin Franklin’s Ye Olde Punk Zine and Silly Hat Directory.

[-1]  This is the last issue of City Paper. Maybe we shouldn’t have given it away for free.

[+100]  This is the last issue of City Paper. The schools are fixed, the cops are clean, the theaters are packed, the bands are popular and the restaurants are booked. We’ve done all we set out to do.

This week’s total: +98  //  the year so far: +1,000,000

My name is Patrick Rapa. I’ve been editing and mostly writing the Bell Curve column for the last 10 years or so. Thanks for reading.