January 19-25, 2006



Young hipster doofuses, take note. Aging’s a tricky thing. One day you’re wearing pelvic-bone-prone white corduroys with a really ironic belt buckle that makes your equally clever buddies chuckle ever so slightly. (It’s never a full-on laugh, is it?) Then all those PBRs get to your over-40 midsection and you flubbily look like every other old douchebag at a Kensington taproom. And not a gentrified bar, either. Lines on your face; gray in your beard. Ladies, you too. (Funnily enough, I just don’t age; prettier I am than I was 10 years ago. How ya like that?) But you’ll age. I say this because I was so very near Sly Stallone filming Balboa (sounds bigger than Rocky!) in the Ital (Market to you—the new couple who just bought that house on Wharton and crave organic carrots). I’ve seen Sylvester before: interviews, arm wrestling. I know the up-close. But suddenly his eyebrows are much darker and higher pulled and heightened-for-maximum-surprise! but sternly, as if he’d incorporated an unholy pairing of Groucho Marx and Joan Crawford on his brow. Made me sad. For him. Yeah. But for you. One day, you’ll draw thick new eyebrows due to sagging. Ladies, you too. … Sure it’s for kids. But with Robert Plant’s big lemon squozed cock on the mock-up cover (maybe it’s for student groupies?), old ladies’ll love it too: I’m talking Music Player Publishing and once Philly-based Paul Green School of Rock pairing for a new quarterly rag whose first issue hits stands April 18. … Want to know why Electric Factory has a new handle—LiveNation? Ask Jake Nisenfeld, marketing assistant, Electric Factory Concerts. “LiveNation is the new name for Clear Channel Entertainment now that we have been completely spun off from Clear Channel communications.” … While the Troc’s Ned Gaudette spent his birthday bowling with boss Joanna Pang’s children (and she trying to get cash from the House of Blues), a lousy thing happened. With no bookings or bookers planned beyond March (get Clear Channel’s Jon Hampton—he knows the Troc), the Troc has let go of Balcony booker/mainstage artist liason Grace Park. “Joanna’s great,” says Park of “tough cookie” Pang. “No hard feelings. Especially since I’ll be doing Balcony shows as an independent.” Park’ll do shows at her price if you contact gracepresents@hotmail.com. … The usually avant Mr. Barry Meehan (Sister Gertrude Morgan Experience/Fractal Ark) goes for sloppy gut-bucket rock ‘n’ roll at Ray’s Happy Birthday Bar Jan. 21 with his 3-Eyed Jacks. … Who’s that creepy, new wavey guy on WXPN’s Kids Corner? That’s producer/DJ Robert Drake, taking on host Kathy O’Connell’s role while she recovers nicely from a lumbar laminectomy on her lower spine. Then again, I did spy Drake with a lumbar laminectomy death stick a week ago. Had I known. … Chamber-rocking guitarist Matt Davis, holiday heathen clarinetist Amy Christmas and bits of Aerial Photograph hit Bar Noir Jan. 23 before lording over divine Miss Andrea Clearfield’s Center City Salon Jan. 29. Talking about salons, InLiquid.com is showing off ex-Bar Noir guy Tim Bowen’s big paintings of big themes (a sample of 100 gi-hugic ones from his “PeopleTIME” series of 2005) at the first (of three) of their Feast Your Eyes salon dinners Jan. 20. Whatisit? Feast Your Eyes catering opens its No Libs kitchen to benefit InLiquid, The Children’s Village and Les Dames d’Escoffier’s scholarships. … With the first Paradise at Key West “a bust because of rain and ice” (says Reagan Disco Headache DJ Ron Morelli), his Paradise pairing with Mike Trombley for an every-third-Thursday of Larry Levan-style house bliss should be sweet come Jan. 19. … How amazing aren’t you? You’ll find out: Amazing Race producers want contestants at KYW-TV studios early Friday a.m. … WHOWHATWHERE: Spring Garden Street’s Zee Bar opening in a phrase: good reality TV clusterfuck with usual suspects Kia Steave-Dickerson, Gervase, Heidi, Erin, Gwen (and local TV reporter types Monique Braxton, Doug Kammerer and Monica Malpass definitely grooving to the music) staring at circus-y things like a man in a rhinestone suit and a strong man doing bendy things. The next day, ABC anchor Tamala Edwards was spied at Matthew Izzo Lifestyle for Philly scribe Lauren McCutcheon’s Virgin’s Guide to Everything book party. With all this going out, look for TV types doing poppers soon. With that, if you saw The Village People at the convention center, you weren’t high. They were at the Professional Convention Management Association’s 50th anniversary gala. So gay. Butch Cordora hosted Michael Musto at dinner at Valanni when the former taped the latter for the former’s DUTV In Bed With. So so gay. … I know you’re psyched for Feb. 3’s Philly Tattoo Arts Convention; drinking Indian ink, pin-pricking smiley faces onto your forearms. Fresca Superior Pizza owner/chef Scott McLeod’s psyched too. He’s got a new monthly gallery show to prove it, featuring area and visiting tattoo artists: “Not tattoos but rather various mediums from painting to sculptures,” says McLeod of Jan. 25’s opener with Olde City Tattoo artists Jason Goldberg, David Fox and Kess One. … Happy birthdays to ?uestlove and Laiya, the hosts of Tastytreats, who’ll spin their own bash at Fluid Jan. 21.

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