Tom Moon

Philadelphia Inquirer

 

1. Terry Jacks

Known for that maudlin hit, "Seasons in the Sun." Probably making a decent living as a cruise director somewhere.

 

2. Johnny Clegg

... and any of his various backing groups: More proof that the U.S. audience would rather support bald, opportunistic appropriations of African music than the real thing.

 

3. Debby Boone

This should be obvious.

 

4. Tiffany/New Kids on the Block

Great marketing concepts. But you can't hum a marketing concept.

 

5. The Great Kat

Dominant woman as guitar hero? Now there's a marketing concept.

 

6. ELP after Works Vol 1

The kind of unchecked bombast that can cause brain damage with repeat exposure.

 

7. Meat Loaf

Some of the Bat Out Of Hell songs had a bit of drama, but that guy's delivery made them sound like a play-by-play account of a hernia operation.

 

8. Leo Sayer, Firefall (tie)

Proving that the '70s were the heyday of sensitive-guy twaddle.

 

9. Gerry Rafferty

Baker Street and his other hit that sounds like Baker Street probably kill brain cells faster than the leading illegal drugs.

 

10. Meredith Brooks

This should be obvious.

 

11. Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen

A lowbrow belter transformed one of the most clever (and musically interesting) rock and roll bands into a travesty. All hail: The reign of Hagar the Horrible is over!

 

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