Jessica Willis Manhattan-based critic and regular contributor to New York Press, Guitar School, Esquire 1. "3x2=6," Vanity 6 With its sobbing downbeat, stumbling tempo and lifeless attempt
at gospel in the outro, this last track on the otherwise great
Vanity 6 record could be the worst song of all time. So bad it's
almost good. The nasty girl tries to change her ways by preaching
from her panty region, and instead of closing the record like
a scorned hottie left splayed on a limousine floor, she chose
to sound like a heartbroken wench without a conductor. Let's blame
it on Prince. 2. "The Freshmen," The Verve Pipe I have nothing to say about this piece of total steaming mediocrity.
For a while I thought this song was by the overhyped and truly
lousy UK phenom band known as The Verve. However, The Pipe is
truly wack. 3. "Breakfast At Tiffany's," Deep Blue Something A couple of years ago, this self-important little waste of airtime
was playing in the deli every single morning at 9:32, the exact
moment I stumbled in. I prayed for its freshness date to pass
quickly. It didn't expire soon enough. 4. "I Saw Red," Warrant Again, another ballad bomb by a great band. I think "Red" is about
the singer finding out his girlfriend was cheating. Guy, you were
wearing Spandex and sneakers in 1990. What did you expect? 5. Any Mariah Carey song ... that's not "Someday" or that one about no matter how hard
she tries, she just can't seem to let go. As The Boss said, I've
got seven octaves and nothing going on. 6. "Don't Be Cruel," Cheap Trick I always feel like missiles are zipping over the North Pole and
making a beeline for our major cities when cover songs get heavy
rotation. Pop just finished eating itself and burped. Let's blow
everything up and start over. 7. "Copacabana," by Barry Manilow There is never a right time to hear this song. 8. "That's The Way Love Goes," Janet Jackson I didn't know love, a.k.a. Miss Jackson, could be so boring. 9. "Mixed Emotions," The Rolling Stones The ONLY Stones song that gets passed over when I'm fiddling with
the FM dial. Well, maybe not the only one. 10. "Notorious," Loverboy One intense, explosive Canadian hard rock act, one pocket pool
ditty that murdered their career. I recently frightened a friend
of mine by having a real laugh attack to this song. a.d. amorosi | Dan DeLuca | Chuck Eddy | Justin Hampton | Rita M. Johnson | Tom Moon | Rob Sheffield | Sara Sherr | Marc Weingarten | main page
