Staff Blog
Terrell Owens is Trying to Poison You
Hoping to capitalize on college students needing to pull
all-nighters, greased up clubbers needing a vehicle for their vodka, and past-their-prime
frat boys in all phases of their lives, T.O. has teamed up with the Dr. Pepper
Snapple Group (who knew?) to bring you “Venom,” a new energy drink.
Unfortunately for T.O., the release coincides with another
release: This week, a group of John Hopkins researchers announced a paper arguing
that energy drinks should carry warning labels that cite potential health
risks.
The risks they refer to are mostly caffeine-based — rapid
heart rate, anxiety, difficulty sleeping. And because energy drinks are
categorized as dietary supplements, such risks will not be listed on Venom’s can.
Of course, no one had to tell us T.O. was toxic.
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[...] energy drink market and declared, “We must have something more!” T. to the O. has reportedly inked a deal with the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group to produce a new drink called VENOM. There’s [...]
VENOM, I’ll shower in that shit. VENOM BOMBS, VENOM BOMBS, VENOM BOMBS!
Not now Chief, I’m in the fucking zone.