Staff Blog
Top Chef Las Vegas Episode 5: Ranch stressing
posted by Drew Lazor
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| bravotv.com |
Late pass!
People got a little prickly on this week’s episode.
Quickfire: For this “high stakes” challenge ($15k prize), Texas chef Tim Love (a Top Chef Masters contestant) has the remaining cheftestants create a dish based around a tough ingredient selected by the Top Chef viewing populace. Fifty-seven percent of voters went with cactus over rattlesnake and kangaroo. “In the Basque country, there is no cactus,” Mattin points out. Thx brah! I was disappointed with the viewers’ pick, as it would’ve been awesome to hear King Kerchief sing a jaunty French song about how ‘roos and rattlers are also not native to France while doing a vaudeville soft-shoe performance that involved him using a freshly baked baguette in lieu of a cane.
At the bottom: Ash, whose too-thick tortilla buried the cactus flavor; the usually strong Mike V., whose dish Love described as “two trains coming together”; and Ron, who offered up crab that “tasted rancid.” At the top: the usually quiet Laurine, with a cactus salsa-topped pork chop; Mike I., who celebrated his successful cactus-curing by flashing DOUBLE METAL SIGNS; and our French friend, who did a nice job of showcasing the ingredient. Mikey ends up with the chip. No additional metal signs though.
Elimination: There’s well-composed restaurant-quality dishes in them thar hills! The chefs are shipped out to the searing-hot dessert to cook grub over an open flame for a bunch of Love’s rancher buddies. “I love camping! I grew up on a farm with chickens, pigs and all that,” Mattin squeals with glee. Why does this dude, who’s the second-Frenchest Frenchman that I’m aware of (the chien supérieur, of course, being Georges Perrier), insist on reaffirming his Frenchitude with such All Bran-like regularity? I feel a little less American every time I see his little face.
While Eli confirms my suspicions that he was raised as a hardcore indoor kid (”We got electricity for a reason”), Laurine, a caterer by trade, is cool with the into-the-wild curveball. “I’ve learned to be kind of a MacGyver when it comes to cooking,” she says. (Any MacGyver reference automatically puts you in good standing with me, so strong work, ma’am.) Plenty of hijinks ensue during prep/cooking, including Ron foreal requesting a sword to bust open his coconuts.
The judges are BRUTAL on nearly everyone’s dishes, especially Robin’s shrimp (”Tastes like I just sucked on a piece of chlorine,” says Love) and Mattin’s ceviche, which apparently sucks so bad that Tom C. actually has to huffily walk about 4 feet away from his picnic table and throw it into the desert. Why couldn’t he have just tossed that shit from his seat? Or just said “I don’t like this” and left it at that? Because we need good goddamn TV, that’s why! Still, nothing can top the transcendently beautiful Padma spitting out her bite last season. What a transcendently beautiful regurge that was …
Dishes at the top: Laurine’s arctic char and grilled potato; Ashley’s seared halibut (Padma calls her “the dark horse” … MIND MELD, LAKSHMI); Bryan’s perfect-for-outdoors roasted pork loin with polenta and glazed rutabaga; and his brother Mike’s miso-cured black cod. Bryan ends up winning his second Elimination in a row, and even cracks a little smile, which is rare for the almost-always-deadpan Voltaggio sibling. His quietly judgmental camera-leering makes me think he’d fit in perfectly on
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At the bottom: Chlorine shrimp lady Robin, food-chucked-by-Tom Mattin, and Ron, whose coconut cocktail accompanying his ceviche dish was called “horrible” by the judges. (If only he had that sword … ) I guess it’s a death knell if your food gets airborne on this show, as Mattin is sent packing. We’ve already expounded on his ridiculous Frenchness so I’ll leave the official goodbye to my girl Jackie.
Next week: Everyone, including Penn and Teller, hates Robin.
haha what a funny recap- nice photo shop!
Tom’s dramatic regurgitation was fantastic, I can’t wait to see which judge will out do him the next time something inedible is served.
Is it just me or does it seem like several of the cheftestants are wearing Mattin-like red kerchiefs around there neck in next weeks episode? Perhaps they feel as if the wrong person was sent home? Or maybe I’m getting sucked into the drama, just like Tom wants…