Okay. I’m a SXSW noob. So I gotta ask: Is every night this nuts or was everything just amped up by a St. Patrick’s Day contact high? There was a distinct Mardi Gras (without the riots) vibe, with traffic blocked and the streets overrun with drunken revelers. Didn’t see any boobs, but I did watch a guy get decked outside a pizza truck. Made me homesick for Second Street. Yeah, I also went to some shows, thanks to my magic lanyard.

I haven’t been a Big Star fan as long as a lot of people I know, but I was still bummed to hear Alex Chilton had passed away. Big Star was supposed to play here on Saturday. Looking to switch the mood, I headed over to a place called Esther’s Follies where Comedy Central was putting on a quick showcase of stand-ups, each doing 10-15 minutes sets. Doug Benson was funny and told pot jokes. Hannibal Burress was funny and delivered the line of the night: “Don’t talk to me like you don’t have a handlebar mustache.� It’s possible you had to be there. Maria Bamford was kinda brilliant and Todd Barry was funny in his usual, awkward way.

Photos | Patrick Rapa

Doug Benson likes pot.

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thatswhatbeasaid.com

There’s a fun little web site collecting some of Bea Arthur’s finest quips/abstracts. I recognize a couple from The Golden Girls — which, ask any work-from-homer, has a three-hour block every afternoon on some channel or another — but I think That’s What Bea Said would be remiss if it didn’t mine the Maude/Celebrity Roast years.

sirmikeofmitchell.com

Conan O’Brien announces he will play the Tower Theater on June 7. Nice! Tickets run from $39.50-$79.50, but snap up them fast ’cause this a hot show.

Everyone’s fave Jolly Red Giant has a lot of time on his hands now that he was booted off the Tonight Show (sidekick-for-life Andy Richter recently spoke about their axing for the first time), but he better get to know Philly better if his proposed locally-shot show about the Supreme Court justices is picked up.

Welcome to Philly, CoCo. The weather’s fine.

RELATED: WHAT WE HEART: I’m With Coco t-shirts for Haitian relief

Green Line Cafe

Funny.

Not one, but two City Paper contributors bring the yuck yucks to the Green Line Cafe tonight, in the puntastically named Alli Katz Comedy Meow-er. The show includes the titular Katz (obvs), who gave you such pieces as this excellent interview with This American Life’s Ira Glass, and Will Dean, who turned (among many other things) this cover story about the mistreatment of musicians in Rittenhouse Square, but has a of late written about weird things scientists do with fish.

Here are the bios of all participants:

Malwina Andruczyk is twenty-three years old. A lot of things have
happened to her during her life, but not as many as to some other
people.

Will Dean is 25, but he reads at the level of someone who is 28. It is
those little differences that make life special.

Zach Webber, 26, is the sort of person that prefers not to read
because he’s afraid that he might read something that might decrease
the extent to which he enjoys the pictures. He enjoys illustrated
cookbooks, Sports Illustrated, and internetpictures.com.

Katz never turned her bio in, but she has a funny name and that’s really all you need to know

The Alli Katz Comedy Meow-er, Fri., Feb.19, 7 p.m., $5, Green Line Cafe, 4426 Locust Street

Photo | Scott Yorko

It was a night of self-deprecating, Tourrette-syndromic outbursts last night at the Keswick, both from Bob Saget, who I wrote about in this week’s issue, and the people who came to see him perform standup.

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Photo | Lauren Seibert

On paper, it sounds good: A sketch comedy troupe called Comic Energy performs about 14 sequences of rehearsed scenes, improv and music, while guests get a free drink at the bar and a buffet at Karma NightClub in Bustleton. I attended this show on Sat., Nov. 21, and everyone there was extremely welcoming, from the night club staff to the troupe members to the sweet, slightly-above-middle-age audience. So it pains me to say it, but the show was honestly the worst comedy act I’ve ever seen. I’m still cringing.

I don’t know what terrified me more — the fact that “music� meant karaoke from the same two people all night in between the acts (singing songs such as Shaggy’s “Angel� and “Chantilly Lace� by Jerry Lee Lewis); the adolescent and often just plain nasty humor; the overly dramatic acting; or the offensive racial stereotyping.

They covered every offensive subject known to man: racial slurs, farting, diarrhea, drugs — all utterly lacking a tongue-in-cheek tone that could have perhaps saved it. Let me walk you through a few Comic Energy scenes. In one, troupe member Gia Seta plays an irritating reporter who sticks her microphone in her unfortunate victim’s crotch and tries to talk to his “McNuggets.â€� In that same scene, further on, a character shouts, “Don’t tase me, bro!â€� — a reference likely lost on an audience not of the YouTube generation. In another scene, producer and troupe member James Daly informs us, “There’s three things I like: breasts, thighs and legs. This morning we have a guest. She’s not a chicken, she’s a chick.â€� He then proceeds to act out a talk show with troupe member Mary Sack as the special guest, a doctor who feeds crack to mice. At the end, the cracked-out mice (two troupe members wearing antlers) come out and dance. Click For More »

A sneak peek at the next episode of The Cleveland Show.

A lot has been said about The Artblahg, a satirical take on The Artblog, including a predictable response from Philebrity and a not-so predictable one from Artblog proprietors Roberta Fallon and Libby Rosof. (They loved it! Um? Does that make them brave and cool or just foolish and naive?)

Its downsides are various — it’s poorly done (as one commenter said, it’s more cheesy MAD magazine than smarty-pants The Daily Show); it’s needlessly mean (Fallon and Rosof work damn hard, and they’d be missed in the community); the founder has yet to come out of the closet (could it be the editor of New Asshole?); and it makes some pretty stupid jokes (Smellebrity? Come on, dudes.) But, in the teeny tiny art world that is Philly, where everyone knows everyone and people’s egos are crushed by the smallest critiques, it’s a breath of fresh air (even if they do call us Philadelphia Shity — sp? — Paper). It’s about time we all toughened up. Plus, they make some pretty funny dumb jokes … spACED 10-666, anyone?

So, we cringe while thinking of look forward to the satire ahead. And we promise that the first post about Shitical Mass will get a mention here. Work out if you’re loving or hating it in the comments.

Screen Crave

Don’t know what to do tonight? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

— I will always be indebted to Mallrats for teaching me what the Stink Palm is. Kevin Smith, the genius director behind that scene (as well as those in Chasing Amy and Clerks) will be performing tonight at the Merriam Theater (250 S. Broad St., 215-732-5446) at 8 p.m., for $39-$66.

— Think we don’t live in a post-sexist society just yet? (Think we do? You must not have been around for this.) Well, neither does fem Barbara J. Berg, who will read from her book Sexism in America: Alive, Well and Ruining Our Future at Wooden Shoe Books (704 South St., 215-413-0999) at 7 p.m. for free. Fans of Tucker Max not allowed.

— Speaking of people I’m indebted to … regardless of what Obama’s presidency is or will become, thank you, David Plouffe, for getting John McCain not elected. Prez Barack Obama’s chief campaign officer will be reading his new book, The Audacity to Win, at the Free Library (1901 Vine St., 215-686-5322) at 7:30 p.m., for $7-$14.