A sneak peek at the next episode of The Cleveland Show.

A lot has been said about The Artblahg, a satirical take on The Artblog, including a predictable response from Philebrity and a not-so predictable one from Artblog proprietors Roberta Fallon and Libby Rosof. (They loved it! Um? Does that make them brave and cool or just foolish and naive?)

Its downsides are various — it’s poorly done (as one commenter said, it’s more cheesy MAD magazine than smarty-pants The Daily Show); it’s needlessly mean (Fallon and Rosof work damn hard, and they’d be missed in the community); the founder has yet to come out of the closet (could it be the editor of New Asshole?); and it makes some pretty stupid jokes (Smellebrity? Come on, dudes.) But, in the teeny tiny art world that is Philly, where everyone knows everyone and people’s egos are crushed by the smallest critiques, it’s a breath of fresh air (even if they do call us Philadelphia Shity — sp? — Paper). It’s about time we all toughened up. Plus, they make some pretty funny dumb jokes … spACED 10-666, anyone?

So, we cringe while thinking of look forward to the satire ahead. And we promise that the first post about Shitical Mass will get a mention here. Work out if you’re loving or hating it in the comments.

Screen Crave

Don’t know what to do tonight? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

— I will always be indebted to Mallrats for teaching me what the Stink Palm is. Kevin Smith, the genius director behind that scene (as well as those in Chasing Amy and Clerks) will be performing tonight at the Merriam Theater (250 S. Broad St., 215-732-5446) at 8 p.m., for $39-$66.

— Think we don’t live in a post-sexist society just yet? (Think we do? You must not have been around for this.) Well, neither does fem Barbara J. Berg, who will read from her book Sexism in America: Alive, Well and Ruining Our Future at Wooden Shoe Books (704 South St., 215-413-0999) at 7 p.m. for free. Fans of Tucker Max not allowed.

— Speaking of people I’m indebted to … regardless of what Obama’s presidency is or will become, thank you, David Plouffe, for getting John McCain not elected. Prez Barack Obama’s chief campaign officer will be reading his new book, The Audacity to Win, at the Free Library (1901 Vine St., 215-686-5322) at 7:30 p.m., for $7-$14.

Courtesy of Paleface

Don’t know what to do tonight? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.

— Dance from the Paleface show at the M Room (15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577) at 8 p.m. to The Very Best show at Johnny Brenda’s (1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684) at 9 p.m. The total cost will put you out about $18, but jigging from Paleface’s scruffy-voiced bluegrass to The Very Best’s groovy African pop will put you in that unstoppable dance-party high for hours.

— Eddie Sarfaty, a gay writer and comedian who just released the book Mental: Funny in the Head, has been called the next David Sedaris. Which is kinda like being called the next gay God. He’s performing tonight at L’Etage (624 S. 6th St., 215-592-0656) at 8 p.m. for $20.

— It’s no mistake that that David Swanson published Daybreak: Undoing the Imperial Presidency and Forming a More Perfect Union, a book that criminalizes the Bush administration, in September of this year. He argues that Bush & Co. did such damage to our Constitutional rights that there’s still a whole lot of work to be done to get them back, even with President Obama in the house. He’ll be reading from his book tonight at Villanova University (800 Lancaster Ave., 610-519-6000) at 7:30 p.m. for free.

Alicia Gbur

Every Tuesday, Critical Mass sifts through the art blog world so you don’t have to.

— PW Style divulged some neat fashion savors — such as high-heeled galoshes and a DIY recipe for Chanel’s yet-to-be-released Particulière nail color — in its “Over the Top” roundup. But what got me was their coverage of inappropriate costumes. Gentlemen, it’s true: Mangina costume = going home alone.

— Most people think of U2 as the music industry’s front-runner in the saving-the-planet, d0-gooder contest, but Green Philly is quick to out the Bono-fronted group for “emitting carbon like it’s their job.” Conversely, take the green band members of Cake, who not only run their recording studio on 100 percent solar energy, but also promote carpooling to their concerts.

— In celebration of Quirktober, Irreference is providing helpful tips to put you in a quirky, sorta spooky mood. Unreported by both Cosmo and Shmitten Kitten, the “How to Tell if Your Boyfriend is a Time Traveler from the Past” post will help you identify and address quandaries that come from any Kate & Leopold situation.

— When it comes to music, I’m usually the last to know. Take the fact that I thought Electric Six was the name of another whiny pop-punk band (minus Pete Wentz). When it’s more like … The Darkness or The Scissor Sisters. (My attempt at comparison ends there.) Anywho, the E6 is playing tonight at 9.m. at Johnny Brenda’s (1201 N. Frankford Ave., 215-739-9684), for $13-$15. Check out Phillyist’s coverage of the band, complete with one of the most entertaining music videos I’ve seen in a while. (Anyone else notice the Rocky Horror influence?)

— It’s a good thing the funny bone isn’t located in your head, as local comedian Spins Nitely was one of the victims of Shane Victorino’s wayward flying bat on Sunday. Hawaii’s 5-0 is the generous sort, as he gave autographed bats to those he whacked. Nitely told The Insider he passed the gift on to his son, who the comedian identified as “Two Shows.” Two Shows? I don’t get it. Perhaps it’s an inside joke? Or maybe the funny bone is in your head. Wah wah.

Rollogrady

In this week’s Agenda section, we told you all about Philly comic Todd Glass, a sharply sarcastic, yet genuinely sweet guy who’s touring with David Cross. And then we thought: Why not talk to Cross, the silly goose behind Arrested Development and Mr. Show, too? He gave us the scoop on his new book, Mormons and his eventual plan to make a humorous soups line. If you still want more after this Q&A, he’ll be at the Merriam Theater (250 S. Broad St., 215-732-5997) this Tue., Oct. 20 at 8 p.m., for $35.

City Paper: What subject do you hate to talk about in interviews?

David Cross: The question about what do I like doing more, if I could only do one — standup or writing or film, TV or acting — just because that’s based on a hypothetical that will never happen. That was going to be your first question. I’m sorry.

CP: What’s taken so long to make Arrested Development into a movie?

DC: We haven’t made it, we’re waiting to get a script. But everyone wants to make it, I can promise you that.

CP: You’re on tour for the newly released book, I Drink For A Reason. What do you think of book tours and the people who show up to say hi to you for 20 seconds? What do you talk about?

DC: It’s a good skill to learn that I lacked and I was kind of dreading it a little, but I’m actually really enjoying it. For a long time when I first became successful or recognized or known, I wouldn’t even say I was shy, I just didn’t want to talk about me or that or whatever and felt awkward, couldn’t accept a compliment and stuff like that and this book tour has been really good with helping me learn to be accessible and to step back and go, “Oh, these are really nice people. They’re fans of mine — fuckin’ take a minute out for fuck’s sake.” I’m enjoying it more than I thought I would, just knowing my personality. But I’m also doing these book signings in places I’m doing shows and the tour has been really fun and I’m having a great time, so if I was just doing the book tour it might be a little different.

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We know, we know. We’ve been a little Philly Improv Festival-crazy today. Humor us once more:

Comedy troupe Baby Wants Candy’s new musical, which premieres tonight at Society Hill Playhouse (507 S. Eighth St., 215-923-0210) at 8 p.m., for $15, is so raw that it still doesn’t have a director, a script, or even a title. That’s because you, yes, you, have to spontaneously suggest the title and Baby Wants Candy, the headlining group for this year’s Philly Improv Festival, will make up and perform the entire show on the spot. I spoke with the troupe’s executive producer, Emily Dorezas, before the show.

Critical Mass: You rely on the crowd to select a spontaneous title and topic of your improv musical. How much do you trust audiences?

Emily Dorezas: They will take whatever they hear and it doesn’t really matter if it makes no sense at all. It can be a completely inside joke between two audience members and it could be in a foreign language, and the cast will make whatever they’re given their own. We had “Barack Obama Baby Mama Drama,”Harry Potter in the Hood.” I will say that most of the cast has read the Harry Potter books, but half the cast hasn’t. So if they get a title like that, half the cast is just making up their own Harry Potter nonsense and the rest of the cast is really into it. One of my favorite titles is “I Slept With My Friend’s Girlfriend Last Night,” because that was like so real and you could tell that probably happened.

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Lauren Seibert

Several hours of sheer randomness — with scenes involving albino lobsters, imaginary friends and “bakery purgatory” — kicked off the Philly Improv Festival last night. I showed up for the first two blocks, at 6:30 and 8 p.m., witnessing performances by Activity Book, Everything Must Go, Fletcher, Rondo, Mrs. Estherhouse and Tongue & Groove. Though attendance was modest for this first night, the performances throbbed with energy and creativity. The first five groups used the “Harold” format, working off audience word suggestions ranging from “horsey” for Activity Book (resulting in a haphazard series of scenes that didn’t quite connect) to “Liberty Bell” for Mrs. Estherhouse (sparking lesbian makeouts in front of the bell, observed from the heavens by the ghosts of our Founding Fathers). Everything Must Go developed some of the most creative scenes from the “lobster” suggestion: mourning the death of an albino lobster, building a man into the foundation of his house.

But Fletcher carried the night in terms of sheer wittiness, continuously reworking past jokes and ending each of its scenes with a snap. My favorites involved a flirty teen couple sprawled in the boyfriend’s Saturn, making vehicle-inspired, charmingly corny sexual innuendos (“If you wanna ride me, you gotta show me your ride, know what I’m sayin’?” and “The gravitational pull of your sexuality is entrancin’!”). Tongue & Groove broke the Harold tradition by collecting secrets from the audience and developing complex dramatic scenes based on them.

Final verdict? Modest audience aside, the enthusiasm of the first-day troupes bodes well for the rest of the festival.

The second night of the fest will take place tonight at 6:30, 8, 9:30 and 11 p.m., for $10-$25 at the Society Hill Playhouse (507 S. Eighth St., 215-923-0210). Click here for a review of the opening night’s 9:30 and 11 p.m. shows.

Courtesy of Boys Club for Men

The laughter bugs were certainly biting at Philly Improv Festival’s opening night, though that didn’t keep the crickets from occasionally chirping, too. The 9:30 p.m. slot was stacked well: Rookie Card greased up an already-warm crowd (most had been at the festival since 6:30) for the two most tickling performances of the night, New York’s Junior Varsity and Boys Club for Men. They both took one-word crowd suggestions like “library” and “trapeze,” and turned them into fluid scenes about pesky wives invading man-forts, taking a cab to prom, and ejaculating genies in clouds of smoke. (Wha?! indeed.) The 11 p.m. slot, which featured Strippers Picnic, Lead McEnroe, Marjean and Philly’s own Illegal Refill, had some shining stars in each group. On the whole, however, the performers’ energy levels were proportional to their entertainment levels, which experienced prolonged lulls from time to time. Maybe it was the Thursday-night, bedtime-story-hour slot, but most 11 p.m. troupes got stuck in long, dialogue-y scenes about absolutely nothing, and it felt squirmy to watch them struggle. But every now and then, a helicopter would crash into a cow and a squirt of tinkle still managed to escape me.

The second night of the festival will take place tonight at 6:30, 8, 9:30 and 11 p.m., for $10-$25 at the Society Hill Playhouse (507 S. Eighth St., 215-923-0210).

Courtesy of Rookie Card

Atheists in heaven and angels selling clouds are just a few of the things you might witness at a Rookie Card improv show. Though Rookie Card is not exactly a veteran improv team — only forming this past March — these guys are no rookies (hardy, har) at comedy. The five members — Marc Reber, Jake Alvarez, Jesse Kimball, John Di Santo and JP Boudwin — are all grads of the Philadelphia Improv Theatre, and together they form a crazy bunch willing to discuss almost anything on stage, from religion to Hitler to weird sexual relationships. They’ll be playing at the Philadelphia Improv Festival tonight at 9:30 p.m. at Society Hill Playhouse (507 S. Eighth St., 215-923-0210), for $10. I caught up with them (minus Boudwin) at the Raven Lounge this week before one of their shows.

Critical Mass: So how would you describe your style of humor?

Marc Reber: One of things I notice is that we are kind of fearless as a group. We do a lot of jumping in on scenes and changing the focus of scenes, so each of our scenes have other scenes within them.

John Di Santo: I would say our style would be just kind of, like … sloppy.

Jesse Kimball: Absurdly juvenile meets dark and tragic … in a kind of sloppy, fearless way.

Jake Alvarez: Our show has been described as being really clusterfucky.

Jesse Kimball: They say you need to learn the rules before you break ’em, but that’s not true — because we still don’t know the rules, and we break ’em.

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