Emily Bingham

When does bondage become a fetish? For Emily Bingham (emilyerotica.com), the Portland, Ore.-based author of the forthcoming memoir Diary of a Rope Fiend, it’s reached fetish status because “I have a very difficult time enjoying sex without restraint in some fashion.”

This didn’t surprise her, however, because her earliest memories involve playing house or doctor with other kids “and asking to be tied up with a jump rope even when it didn’t make any sense in the context of the game.” 

In college, bondage became more explicitly sexual, though that’s not all it’s about for her. Bondage isn’t just menacing, Bingham says: “It’s comforting, like a hug that allows me to give up control to the other person.” 

Her bondage sessions with lovers are about being intentionally vulnerable, and reveling in her helplessness, even when she’s the one who orchestrated it. “When someone is tying me up, they are paying special attention to me, keeping me safe, cared for and close to them. I’ve let go and stopped thinking or worrying about everyday things.”

Bingham has a masochistic streak, and enjoys being spanked and having clothespins clamped on her while bound, but kink-free bondage is also enjoyable. “Rope is not always sexual; usually it’s sensual. I don’t engage in sex acts with most of my rope partners, but it’s a very connective and erotic experience despite neither of us touching one another sexually.” 

Bingham’s evolved from being the one solely on the receiving end to doing the trussing herself and says now she “enjoys doing the binding as much as I enjoy being bound.” Rope, especially made from hemp or jute, is her favorite tool. Handcuffs just won’t do. Bingham gets practically poetic about her favorite equipment. “There’s a wonderful texture to the natural rope that feels lovely on the skin, especially when the person tied up struggles and the lines of rope creak like the mast of a ship.”

Artistry is just as, if not more, important as efficiency. “Rope takes time and effort to place on a body and to learn enough about to be proficient,” Bingham explains. “It’s beautiful as well as restricting. Each time someone puts rope on me, they are making a unique creation just for my body. Other forms of restraints feel impersonal and cold in comparison.”

The most important thing she’s learned in her bondage is the importance of negotiation between the person tying up and the one being tied up. “It’s just as important for the bottom in any scene to be educated about the things happening to them so they know when they are in danger.”

Bondage isn’t just a private activity, either; she’s been tied up all around Portland, as documented on her Instagram account (rope_quean). It’s a chance to indulge her exhibitionist streak and do some PR on behalf of one of her favorite activities. I applaud this, because bondage isn’t only about its most extreme aspects. 

While porn often features women who look like they’re unhappy with their bonds, you’ll often find Bingham beaming while she’s restrained. “I like showing that it’s beautiful and fun, that everyone is smiling and giggling as it happens.” That makes sense, given that the biggest myths about bondage are, according to Bingham, “that it hurts and that it’s always about sex. Neither are necessarily true.” Spoken like a true rope fiend.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of the essay collection Sex & Cupcakes and editor of over 50 erotica anthologies, most recently Come Again: Sex Toy Erotica.