Staff Blog
Jesse Helms dies, Wikipedia steps right in
Friday, July 4th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
posted by carolyn huckabay
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| he puts the lotion in the basket. |
Jesse Helms died today in North Carolina at 1:15 am, according to CNN.
My mother taught me never to speak ill of the dead (especially the recently dead).
So I'll let Wikipedia do it instead:
Death
He died on July 4, 2008, slitting his wrists in a washtub out back beneath the pecan tree and writing "I've been a bad boy" in his own blood. The skins of several children were found drying in his attic, swarms of horseflies going in and out of the eaves. His wife was quoted on CNN as saying "I always wondered about Jesse's collection of little shoes."
By the time I had copied and pasted this charming little blurb, it had been edited away.
[...] -Wikipedia [...]
[...] Jesse Helms dies, Wikipedia steps right in :: The Clog :: Blog Archive :: Philadelphia City Paper ::… (tags: humor parody satire wikipedia jessehelms) [...]
Nice to see that poetic license hasn’t expired yet.
Bill Hicks, ‘Rant In E-Minor’, in case you weren’t already aware. That Jesse Helms survived Hicks by fifteen years is fair proof that there is no God.
Bill Hicks lives on!
More proof that there is no god (or if there is, he/she/it is on the wrong side)–Carlin dies, Limbaugh gets a contract extension.
Amen and amen again.
Long live Bill Hicks. And may Denis Leary never stop suffering for what he stole from the original genius. All the money, cocaine, cigarettes and pussy in the world won’t stop that voice in Leary’s head, and we all know that it’s still there. Same for that producer on the Late Show who canceled Bill’s last opportunity to get on-air, same for that sellout whore Leno.
And a pox on Wikipedia for changing that entry. When did they turn into such pussies?
Late NIGHT wif David Letterman. Dammit. Brain-farted on a Bill Hicks travesty. I blame the pharmaceutical companies.
And I’m still pissed that I’ve never gotten to sample any of those “heroic doses” of psylocibin mushrooms out in the boonies of Texas, maybe near Palo Duro Canyon, when the wind’s up… *sigh* Where the hell is Terrence McKenna when you need him?
Last time, I promise. As of 8:25 CDT, THIS was available in the “Popular Cultural References” part of the Jesse Helms, Jr. Wiki page, but no guarantees that it’ll stay there.
References in popular culture
* Musician Todd Rundgren wrote a song about Helms entitled “Jesse”.
* Loudon Wainwright III wrote a song about Helms entitled “Jesse Don’t Like It”.
* Nerdcore hip-hop artist MC Hawking released a song in MP3 format called “Why Won’t Jesse Helms Just Hurry Up and Die?”
* In 1993, Roy Zimmerman of the Foremen penned a song called “Jesse Helms” for the Folk Heroes album.
* In 1998, Monroe, North Carolina native Tim Kirkman wrote and directed Dear Jesse, a first-person documentary filmed “letter” to the senator from the openly gay filmmaker.
* Acoustic guitarist Don Ross named a song “Jesse Helms Night in Havana”
* Sonic Youth referenced Helms in their 1992 song “Chapel Hill”.
* American punk rock band Dead Kennedys names Helms in their song “Moral Majority”.
* Berkeley Breathed’s popular comic strip Bloom County at one time featured a running joke wherein Christmas Carols were rewritten with political themes; Jingle Bells became “Jingle Helms! Jingle Helms! Jingle from Jess-e!/Oh what fun it is to ride/On a tobacco subsidy!”
BILL HICKS, “RANT IN E-MINOR,” was THE definitive statement about Jesse Helms. While the “vandalism” about this hate-mongering s.o.b.’s death was an almost PERFECT recitation of the “Rush Limbaugh” track (#13) on the Rant album, it was insufficient to fully encapsulate the brilliance, the dark poetry, the TRUTH that was Bill Hicks and how he commemorated the destruction of this country by pseudo-religious hypocritical bigots and war-mongering fucktards. If Bill Hicks had not died of pancreatic cancer in 1994, one can only IMAGINE what he’d do with the SECOND COMING of the FOURTH REICH as we are currently afflicted.
—Anntichrist S. Coulter