Dear Sad: Go about your adventure. It is more exciting than sitting home with a pussy.
Dear Papa: My roommate routinely finishes my whiskey and replaces it with less-nice whiskey.
Dear Cougar: If your two picadores are such good friends that a woman does not come between them once, I do not imagine she would come between them a second time.
Dear Papa: I have a friend from high school whom I cannot seem to get rid of. We have nothing in common anymore, and he’s a loud, annoying drunk.
Dear Olney: My God! At 17 I was driving an ambulance through a war zone and you, nearly twice that age, need help deciding between an accounting job and barista work?
Dear Lonesome: Men have other men they’ve known since they were boys. Men have comrades they’ve shared their last sips of Grappa with as bombs burst overhead.
Dear Sleepless: Think of the face of every woman you have ever known. That will not last long. They will all be the same.
Dear Betrayed: There are two deer. One is a buck. The buck’s antler is broken. Antlers break when two bucks battle over a doe. A broken buck is weaker and is easier to shoot. Do not be the broken buck. Shoot the broken buck.