The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

0 The University of Pennsylvania will install 13 sirens around its campus to notify students during emergencies. They will blare continuously until a Lilly Pulitzer opens on 36th street.

+ 2 "There is no place I'd rather be," says new Philadelphia Museum of Art CEO Timothy Rub. "As a caveat, I should mention that the only places I've ever been are Philadelphia and Cleveland."

+ 1 Michael Nutter introduces the 15 members of the Commission on Parks and Recreation, which will advise on issues of land use and sustainability. "These powerless, unpaid hippies and cat ladies are the future of our society," he declares.

- 2 Vince Fumo asks for a retrial after a reporter for Philadelphia magazine discovers improprieties in the jury. "I kind of stumbled onto it," says the reporter. "I'm just here asking the jury about their favorite cookies for our Top 300 Cookies cover advertorial."

+ 2 The PA House passes a bill proposed by State Rep. Babette Josephs that bans forced implantation of computer chips in humans. The state senate, however, their eyes suddenly vacant and aglow, unanimously vetoes it.

- 1 Harry Kalas' widow, Eileen, is selling their home and moving out of the area. That widow's outta here! :(

+ 1 John DelVecchio, a 25-year-old Army vet, won a 2009 Ford Mustang from WYSP after living in it for 11 days. "I've earned it," says DelVecchio, "and horribly, horribly soiled it."

+ 1 Daily News columnist Solomon Jones is in talks to develop his humor columns on family life into a sitcom. Meanwhile, John Yoo's still pitching The $10,000 Naked Detainee Pyramid.

- 4 Howard Eskin will replace the pregnant Rhea Hughes as co-host of Stu Bykofsky's Candidates Comedy Night. Hughes replaced Bill Conlin, who replaced Frank Rizzo, who replaced Edmund Bacon, who replaced Commodore Barry as the original co-host of Stu Bykofsky's Candidates Comedy Night.

Total for the Week: 0

Last Week's Total: -10