Running Numbers

A scholarly look at the digits that matter.

by Nick Norlen

The Running Numbers Pet Peeve and Petty Complaint Department airs its grievances.

1 Number of cars on the R5 Regional Rail that will be designated for the newly launched QuietRide pilot program on selected weekday, peak express trains. The program, which began Jan. 12, requires riders in the QuietRide car to turn off cell phone rings, refrain from making or taking calls, use headsets and a low volume with any electronic devices, limit conversations with other passengers, and use their best "inside voice." Will it also prohibit the ear-shattering, half-understandable station announcements? Please?

7 Number of Philadelphia magazine cover stories out of the last nine — and eight out of the last 13 — that have been list-related, including timely, topical essentials like "the 35 best steak houses," "the city's 30 best places to meet other singles," "the top 50 school districts," "best of outdoor dining" and "100 moments that shaped our city," which ranked "the cheesesteak" as No. 1. Can't wait till your Best Lists of 2008 recap issue, Philly Mag.

17 Number of children in Benjamin Franklin's family of origin, of which he became the 15th when he was born on Jan. 17, 1706. As if the 17-kids-and-counting thing weren't irresponsible enough, I bet Ben's parents took them all to the movies at once, too. What we really need is QuietRide theaters. Where parents who bring little kids get sent to the 1700s.

25 Number of seconds it takes XPN to play their station ID — all 35 words and eight parts of it. I've heard David Dye questions shorter than that. I've heard Jim McGuinn flirt with Lauren Valley for less time than that. How about one set of call letters per ID, XPN? Oh God, you're going to punish me with a fund drive, aren't you?

2,282,764,988.5 Number of Syrian hamsters — standing on each other's shoulders — that it would take to reach the moon, according to the new commercial for kgb — the Knowledge Generation Bureau, a directory assistance company that you can ask any question by texting 542542. Among the questions posed to one of their "agents" during the ad spot is "Best cheesesteak in Philly?" — to which she smugly replies, "Geno's." Geno's? Come on, kgb, even Philly Mag could list 35 places better than Geno's. And, by the way, Vento, your Mummers routine was about as tasteful as your crap steaks.

Hey ... can I get your digits? I want to hear about the numerals you need to see. Let a number-runner know at runningnumbers@gmail.com.