The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Jocelyn Kirsch pleads guilty in "Bonnie and Clyde" case. Regina Medina requests conjugal visit. Even

Police confiscate two illegal gambling machines at Ridley bar. Can you really call two roosters duct-taped to remote control cars gambling machines? Even

Twenty-dollar fruit and veggie vouchers are being distributed to seniors to buy Pennsylvania-grown produce. I know a certain kind of gambling machine that accepts corn. Plus 2

Temple and Penn receive $10 million grant to improve science instruction for middle-schoolers. Temple buys new microscopes; Penn buys middle-schooler-sized jars. Plus 4

Dalai Lama comes to Philly with the goal of reaching young Buddhists steeped in pop culture. "The Buddha is like Hurley — kind of fat but very chill. Qi is like the island's electromagnetic force and some might argue that the island itself is Nirvana. Kate has fallen off the Noble Eightfold Path so many times it's just not funny. And Desmond, while, yes, very badass, needs to understand that desire is fleeting and everything, even Penny, is transitory." Plus 2

Spectrum to be torn down. Minus 1983

The Convention Center expansion is almost $100 million over its $700 million budget. FISCAL RESOURCES TASTY. Minus 7

A supervisor with the Fairmount Park Commission was fired after being caught conducting personal business 27 hours out of his 40-hour workweek. "What the fuck am I supposed to do? Wash trees?" Plus 1

Eagles cheerleaders make annual calendar eco-friendly. It also aids in masturbation. Plus 1

Total Pluses: 10

Total Minuses: 1990

This Week's Total: -1980

Last Week's Total: 7