Native American

Rodney Anonymous vs. the World

by Rodney Anonymous

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Artists: Various

Album: Prophecy 2 (A Hearts of Space Native American Collection)

Country of Origin: Native American

Remarkably gifted author Sherman Alexie once said that the greatest threat to the American Indian is middle class white women who are obsessed with "Native Spirituality." So, while it's tempting to remind oneself while listening to Prophecy 2 (Valley Entertainment) that this CD is most likely to be purchased in a New Age bookstore, along with a "spirit-catcher," by the Desperate Housewives of Orange County, it's important to remember that you should never judge a genre of music by the people who consume it: Otherwise, jazz would be irrelevant just because most jazz enthusiasts are exactly as they were portrayed by Steve Buscemi in Ghost World, and not for the simple reason that all jazz music is lame.

Unfortunately, after a promising little intro, Prophecy 2 — not to be confused with the film Prophecy II, which Christopher Walken, Jennifer Beals, Brittany Murphy and Eric Roberts all wisely dropped from their résumés — turns out to be exactly what we feared it would be: a New-Agey mishmash of chants and native flute layered atop wispy synth pads, cheesy guitar licks, bird chirps and honky-tonk piano. With the exception of Johnny Whitehorse's "Iron Horse" and Mary Youngblood's "Silent Wolf," this entire CD is about as enjoyable as having your teeth cleaned by a blind dentist. I defy any of you to go through the entirety of the liner notes (which helpfully inform us about the return of Pahana, the "lost White Brother from the stars") without screaming in pain.

Great Spirit-fuckin'-dammit, this CD makes me want to kill white people! Isn't it bad enough that we pushed the American Indians to the edges of their own lands — and engaged in 500 years of the sort of genocidal behavior that makes Ghengis Khan look like Chaka Khan — without having to shove their music between two slices of white bread and selling back to them as a shit sandwich?

Verdict:

Invade your local New Age bookstore and demand that they knock this crap the fuck off, right now. "Lost White Brother from the stars" my ass.

(r_anonymous@citypaper.net)

Free rain sticks at rodneyanonymous.com.