citypaper.net exclusive: Holiday Q&A with Lynn Rosen

Philly's own etiquette expert schools you in the maddening art of holiday entertaining.

by A.D. Amorosi

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Published: Dec 18, 2007

With the holidays approaching, there're a few teensy ideas I wanted to embrace that aren't featured in Lynn Rosen's Elements of the Table. So I asked her. If you have table etiquette questions of your own, you can reach Rosen at leapfirst@aol.com.

We're gearing up for a big Butterball holiday. Is there a Philadelphia brand of style that's indigenous to us — for better or worse — unseen or unheard of anywhere else?

As far as dining, Philadelphia is pretty eclectic. We're not afraid to experiment and try new things, which is good. We range from classic to mod. I think Philly style can be brash, in a good way, as if to say, "We know what we like and we don't really care what you think." As far as table setting, maybe some silver manufacturer should design us a cheesesteak knife.

Is there a separate set of Elements that become relevant this time of year? Are there definitive musts of formal dining when it comes to the holidays? What are the necessities in terms of your "big three" — china, silver and crystal?

You're often entertaining a much larger crowd than usual, so the pressure is really on to make the table look extra good, the food extra delicious. If you're having family over, you really want to impress them. There are a number of table essentials: enough place settings for all, enough serving pieces. Definitely use a tablecloth. And don't forget service — using proper service techniques can really raise the level of formality of a meal. Serve food from a guest's left, clear dirty plates from the right. Pour beverages from the right. Never bring in or clear more than two plates at a time — don't stack. No one should start eating until everyone is served, and no plates should be cleared until everyone is finished eating.

If a diner's religious persuasion is one where gifts are gifted, when's the best time for presents?

I'd say after the meal, or maybe during a break between dinner and dessert. If you're giving presents at a dinner party, make sure you have something for everyone — or if you're only giving presents to the kids, then for every child present — so no one feels left out. If you don't have something for everyone, save giving out the presents for later.

What's new in the world of table setting and etiquette that's not in your book but is necessary for the now? Or is that the point of a dignified setting — that it's the classic approach that counts?

Sure, there are classics that will never go out of style, but the world of table setting is definitely subject to fashions. For example, champagne coupe glasses seem to have come back into fashion. Those are those saucer-shaped glasses that I associate with Marilyn Monroe and that era of glamour. They're not very practical — hard to drink from them without spilling. But maybe that was the point. Other trends come in now and then. For example, for a while, a lot of designers were making square dinner plates.

As far as etiquette, while we are a less formal society than we used to be, I don't think etiquette is or should be trendy. Good manners are always in style. Don't I sound like someone's grandmother when I say that?

So who does the dishes?

I do the dishes in my house. Maybe someday I'll be rich and hire a butler. In the meantime, I kind of like cleaning up — there's a certain Zen to washing dishes, and a peacefulness to slowly, bit by bit, restoring order in the kitchen.

 

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