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"Funny never lasts." That's what I heard. See, my moms is stuck in post-op and there's all this home movie stuff afoot — Black Floor Gallery's video camera party Aug. 11, Rich Wexler's screening your home movies at The Cinema, Aug. 12 — and maybe I'm misty. Or distracted. By voices. Like, I heard a woman on Good Morning America talking about how women no longer like "handsome." They like "funny." She gave the example of Jennifer Aniston moving from Brad Pitt to Vince Vaughn. And a woman to her right says, "Funny never lasts." Living proof? "It's not art — it was a prop," as uttered by Moe Brooker of the city's Art Commission about dumping the Rocky statue for good from the Museum steps. Funny never lasts. Bam Margera told Sirius radio listeners he wants to get married in a bloody tuxedo or a Batman outfit on the DuPont estate to the sound of fiancee Missy Rothstein's audible sigh. Funny never lasts. When Ed Snider told the AP that Comcast-Spectacor was considering selling the 76ers and that "multiple parties" were interested. There's so much funny that won't last there — I'm getting my laughs in now. Because all up 'n' coming models hang in factory warehouse outlets: Tyra Banks' dum-dum scouts from America's Next Top Model will seek out gals 5 feet 7 inches and taller Aug. 11 at the Forman Mills store at 5694 Rising Sun (www.upn57.com). Speaking of models, local Glitterati agency owner Jen Toof, who'll appear in some Damon Feldman bikini bash Aug. 10 at IceWorks in Aston, is the same "Toastee" that's all tipsy on Flavor Flav's Flavor of Love on VH1. Told you I was distracted. So many Joshes, so little time for such scrumptious pop. While Josh Briggs drops his sumptuous Hooray for Earth at Khyber Aug. 25, Josh Olmstead not only coos through selections like "40th & Baltimore" from his spacey, teary Brian McTear-produced eponymous debut at Tin Angel Aug. 11, but also showcases his role as new B.C. Camplight guitarist that night. Now that Convention Center-rehab evictees Fabric Workshop (of Gilbert Building fame) got that sleazy-but-cute home at the old Doc Johnsons on 12th and Arch, wha'bout shoved-aside sorts torn asunder (cue soundtrack to North and South) by the fables of the reconstruction, The Paul Green School of Rock ? Rumor has Green & Co. snagging a rehabbed warehouse off North Broad — 7,000 square feet on Brandywine Street between 15th and 16th — with new rooms, stages and office space for his LLC's national headquarters. Oi! And that the whole schmeggy'll open with an all-star block party around Labor Day. Hoy! Indre Studio owner Michael Comstock writes to say that after a 10-year run ("just got tired of running such a large operation"), he closed the South Philly studio part (not building — yet) of da biz, built a remote recording truck and moved it close to his home in Havertown. "We own the building and'll use it for related music and film projects —

Jill Scott was here in July rehearsing for her tour, Van Morrison just left." You won't have red mane-d sculptress of gorgeous avant-porcelain delights, Candy Depew , to kick you around anymore. The delightfully obsessive Depew is taking her candy-coated divinely decorative works and heading to Ohio. "Candy-coated utopia must commence," says Depew, readying her final sale. "But it needs to be in a wooded land with lots of acreage, not a baking city with small spaces. I need to move forward on the scope of my projects. So heeeerrreee I go." The 'lecto shave bzzzz of Crimp Yr Hair DJs interrupted the tea-and-crumpets at Sal's on 12th (and Walnut) so nicely Saturday (their first monthly there) Sal's letting 'em back Aug. 13 for the robo-hopping Plastic Little (whose due-soon She's Mature is mm-bop!) and Howard's Dilemma whose self-titled EP is cyborg-coolio. Request "Doctor Phaser M.A.D." WHOWHATWHERE: Stephen Starr's allovahhh Page Six talking about 2008 plans for Buddakans in Vegas and London. Blanka Zizka was calm hanging out, watching the mad Notekillers/Red Krayola show at International House. She left her Wilma Theater to Kiki & Herb who wound up hanging with Bar Noir Monday night drag-stress Needles Jones who took the duo to Bump and 12th Air Command during K&H's stay. No sooner do I prep for the opening of 10th & Wolf — pullin' down wrist hair below da sleeves for maximum exposure, moistening toothpicks, buying no-carb cannoli at Isgro's — Gavone's steals the movie's thunder by opening on that self-same corner. Sure, they're a gilded restaubar serving roast pork wit provolone 'n' rabe. But you know what ahm tawlkin'bout. Come Aug. 11, Click at Fluid celebrates Dave Pianka's b-day. Be rad. Bring Sparks (or sumpin' fast). Ask him about turning his RVNG from a promo corps to an electro-morph label and when his two new mix comps will be out. And we know bassist Kevin Person (Undergirl/Stendahl) joined the trashy Live Not on Evil and'll debut his spikiness come Aug. 12 for Tritone's Becky Vomit b-day bash. But Evil vet John Begley? After seven years he's left. He loves Evil Rob Windfelder ("He and his wife Stef served [as part of my] wedding party ... May 6," says Begley). But the Goth-focused Begley — who abetted projects with The Damned (Phantom Chords), events for Rozz Williams, and sang/multi-instrumentalized for I Will I, David E Williams and Necromantik Sunshine — is starting the Prophase Music label and a dark-wave group, The Stem Cells, who'll debut by August's end. "Mostly I look forward to continuing a tradition of traveling to Fishtown for late-night cocktails in my good friend Rob's kitchen." (a_amorosi@citypaper.net)

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