I might not seem to care. But though I had the best week ever since our chat raight-heyuh last Thursday, it nearly turned to shite when I heard my ultimate Sal Pal — Sal Fasano — got chopped from the Phils. All that work — all that 'stache — on my own summer Fu Manchu down the drain. But after seeing Will Smith at 58th and Southwest Philly — my homestead — in a big cap that reminded me of his Bagger Vance jawn; and getting spit beer on by ass-crack-bearing/anybody-face-sucking Bonde Do Role MC Marina at that Diplo party at the Mummers Museum/Hollertronix reunion at Transit — everything is OK. What else's good: Monster was good. That's what Vincent Ortega and youngun pals at Stay Local called the Starlight Ballroom launch party for their photo-log site (www.myspace.com/staylocal). They might've been giving away Steven Bloodbath's mix CD Bloodbath & Beyond (at'sa nize, Stewie). But they weren't giving away admissions as I watched Stay Local's doorgal nearly bust up some microskirted cuties trying not to pay. Kids. "Monster Is Loose" is what Meat Loaf was heard calling his single to neighboring seat holders at Friday's Phils game. Zeitgeists? You never know where you find them. If you think Stay Local's a doggone flash-mob, showing up, snapping your face, you should see the weird band of roving "Nestle Chef Pirates" (yeah, I don't get it either) who showed up at clubs on South Street and below, dressed in eye-patches and scarves, trying to spend doubloons and drunkenly yelling "Arg." Maybe there's a Bow Wow Wow reunion afoot. And woof woof: Philly's Dr. Dog and its newly local label Park the Van hook up an EP, Takers and Leavers, before da Dawg starts to tour with Raconteurs. Then drops a full-length on Feb. 13, 2007. Slobber. "Dude, we are going to 'shroom it up Friday and blaze out to some killer toons, then take it to the planetarium to trip face bro!" says Eric Wareheim of his and Tim Heidecker's Tom Goes to the Mayor extravaganza hitting Franklin Institute's Adult Swim bash, July 28. We love the look of the Restaurant M, Gene LeVevre's new eatery at the boutique Morris hotel. But we won't get to love the cooking of the husband/wife team of chef Edmund Rek and baker Dawn Woodward. They were dismissed. It's rumored he wasn't really, uh, a cook, perhaps fudging the details of time at Johnson & Wales and Park Hyatt at the Bellevue to be more hands-on than it was. "It just didn't work out between Rek, the owner and the restaurant," says maitre d' Joseph Conti, of Rek with a laugh. "Our expectations did not meet his 'vision,' to use one of his words." New executive chef David Katz replaces the marrieds. Everyone knows Highwire Gallery at 13th and Cherry's Gilbert Building has an impending date with doom, courtesy the Civic Center's appetite for expansion. But while Temple of Bon Matin and Radio Eris played last Saturday, trumpeter Dave Ramsey's freakyjazz-bo Drake with cellist Monica MacIntyre (they make the Bad Plus look like the Nice Minus) blares at the Big Room July 29 with Ramsey's sculpture-building buds, the Dufala bros. Ask him about the toilet paper story. It's a doozy. We've heard about everyone jumping ship at the Bulletin. But one local mag we dig, and heard was closing months ago, only to be denied, is the Philly-based Rockpile. Ed in Chief Mike McKee sent a note July 23 stating, "Financial hardship has forced the closing of the magazine, beginning almost immediately." 'Atsafuckedup. WHOWHATWHERE: Spearhead's Michael Franti was at The Cinema in University City. And he wasn't there to see M. Night's Lady in the Water (apparently no one was — it came in at No. 3). Jermaine Dupri was at Denim. Who cares. No Janet. Al Gore was at Friends Select. Who cares. No Tipper. Before they hit the Prince for TLA's Gay Fest Dangerous Liaisons, Bruce Vilanch hung on da Moshulu with PGN's Mark Segal while RuPaul went shopping at H&M and About the Beat. After judging the Johnny-Depp look-alike contest during the Cry-Baby screening on Penn's Landing, the gay fest's first Lesbian Icon Award-winner Jenny Shimizu ("Am I too young to be an icon? Will I look good on a stamp?") hung out with her gal pal, Theater Catalyst's Jessica Graham ("She's made the trip so much more fun") and talked to me. She wouldn't say much about her time spent with Madonna and Angelina in her former career as a "gay butch Asian" model: "It's better to cash in and get your own show when you get older than have to marry a rich guy." On her new TV show Full Throttle: "Logo wants me. But there's so many gay networks, I can do something for them and another show for another network. It's a great time. Lesbians rule." Plus, she loved meeting Wang Newton. "He. Or she, gave me rose-colored underwear." And though we think it's fun that American Idol's Elliot Yamin's Philly-born mom and her family supposedly bought up 39 tickets to see Elliot at Wachovia Center, we think it's funny that drag racer Brittany Lynn's one-man/one-off at The Raven Lounge July 27 is called American Idle. "I'll be vaginally challenged," says Brittany. PR Gals and their dawgone Web sites: While Paige Wolf Media/PR starts "The Paige Turner" newsletter (with coupons!) this week for her clients (www.paigewolf.com), Rachel Inc. 's new mini-mag is currently focused on brunches and happy hours (www.rachelinc.com) with a promised redo late August with articles 'n' ads that'll make her look like the Martha Stewart of nightlife. "Someone actually mistook my newsletter for Rachael Ray," says Rachel. " I guess that's a compliment ... but she's so Girl-Next-Door and I'm so Girl-That-Woke-You-Up-From-Upstairs." And while Megan Wendell and her hubby Mason get ready to celebrate the fifth anniversary of their Canary Promotion + Design Aug. 5 at The Cinema with clients like Milton and the Devils, The Broken Hipsters movie and Fringe faves James Sugg 'n' Kate Watson-Wallace, Megan chirps that her company got hired by Comedy Central's The Colbert Report to create the www.colbertnation.com official fan site. "There's funny tidbits," says Megan, whose husband did Web work for comedians like Dave Attel. "But we'd never compromise our oath of truthiness." Talking Fringe, when ex-Abilene comic Danny Ozark hosts Bar Noir's Live Arts SEE ME FEEL ME HEAR ME open mic July 31 for fest participants with Special Ed, Absinthe Drinkers and ex-Beach Ball Robert Fanelli (whose Get Around Kids hold a record release party for The Ghost in You July 29 at M Room), it'll not only reunite Ozark's almost-famous comedy troupe with Mike Rainey and Pat Kelly (that's worthy of the "Fuck The Who reunion" comment on the evening's flier). It'll celebrate Bar Noir's singing drag waitress Needles Jones' birthday (isn't it also 1939 Studio's Pete Rydberg's and Plain Parade's Maria Tessa Sciarrino's — love you!). "You want some action, you better bring me some money," says Jones.