She was a gift from my Outtatown Boyfriend and I treated her like vaginal royalty. She was always within arm's reach, hand-bathed after every use and air-dried on my kitchen counter. I even let the O.B. jack her speed to hammer punch and fire away.

But now, I'm bored. Bzzz, orgasm. Bzzz, orgasm. Zzzz, orgasm?

Curious how other Philadelphians were popping their cherries, I rounded up some interns and went huntin' for Rabbits, or whatever it is that's gettin' people off these days.

Erotica author Allison Hobbs (Double Dippin', Dangerously in Love, Insatiable and Pandora's Box) fondly recalls 1989's now-out-of-print film, The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover, directed by Peter Greenaway. "It deals with practically every taboo imaginable," says Hobbs. "After the initial shock, I was admittedly, though surprisingly, sexually aroused by the violence and the graphic sex scenes."

Sex therapist "Alex" Caroline Robboy, founder of www.howtohavegoodsex.com, says her favorite toy is the KegelMaster ($91.96, www.wellnesspartners.biz), an ice cream-scooper-like contraption used to pump the PC muscles. "When people do a lot of these, it gets sex on the brain," explains Robboy. "You are already set to go."

Speaking of sticking things in our nether regions, Passional owner Kali Morgan loves the Feeldoe ($64-$98, www.feeldoe.com), a strapless strap-on dildo."Little bumps hit your clit when you're thrusting into someone else," says Morgan. "It's a benefit to both parties, [and] it's hypoallergenic."

Drag diva Brittany Lynn, aka the "vaginally challenged" Ian Morrison, gets down with his fur-lined restraints. "They came in a set, are made of nylon with white faux fur around the shackled areas, and are fun, fashionable and oh-so-functional," says Lynn. "Guys are hot, but guys willing to have their wrists and ankles restrained on my gorgeous, silk-sheeted canopy bed are really hot."

Brian Nuss, president of the Liberty Bears of Philadelphia, says his all-time favorite toy was a penis pump he bought 10 years ago. He explains: "Seeing my member inside this tube lookin' all Barry Bonds, I was quite pleased. Until this pflummmmph sound and unpleasant sensation took me by surprise … I had sucked my testicles into the tube."

For booty-themed booty, local porno producer Nick Danger (Cum on My Tattoo 2, The XXXorcist) recommends the rimchair ($299.95, www.thejoyrider.com), a PVC pot similar to the porta-crappers found in hospitals and nursing homes. "Someone can get under it and use their mouth on your ass," explains Danger. "Like many things I find amusing, this has not caught on as a national trend."

Another go-anywhere, get-off gadget: the remote-controlled vibrating silver bullet ($8.50, www.extremerestraints.com). "It's little and portable and very fulfilling," says Jamie Hodson, an operator at Philadelphia's Hot Ladies Escort Service.

Condom Kingdom clerk Duncan Williams says vibrating cock rings are flying off the shelves. "When you find something that vibrates with sex, you can do it together," he says. "Guy's getting a hummer and penetrating the girlfriend."

But Jim Madden, owner of The Bike Stop, says his brain and his "ability to recall in excruciating detail past encounters and think up new ways to stretch the boundaries of [his and his partner's] lives" far surpasses any yield from the toy chest.

Amen, brother.

Questions? Comments? How come nobody picked a Sybian machine? E-mail ashlea.halpern@citypaper.net. No phone calls.