As we speak,there's a 16-foot tent erecting at Broad and Washington … in my pants. Really. OK, it's the blue-and-yellow grand chapiteau for Cirque Du's Quidam which popped up June 29.But when you hear "big top," look for the guy with the haircut slapfight 'tween David Beckham and Clay Aiken.Speaking of dick jokes? Say hello to mah li'l friend Dirty Diamond, or rather Michael Hans.Since the Electric Factory bar manager/filmmaker/dildo salesman/sex toy bingo host became Philly's rude one-man Neil Diamond cover act after debuting at Bar Noir's pre-Fringe nights,the wigged one wound up packing the Triangle Theater (where he's affiliated as actor) at Live Arts 2005 then every Philly club since. "I wanted it to thrive as a theater piece but still saw potential to take Dirty into every facet of entertainment," says Hans."That happened very quickly." Like? Like not only is he a cast member for the foul ChannelChaos.com and a regular on WYSP 94.1 FM's Couzin Edshow,Hans/Diamond made Dirty D into a real musical project with DJ Sleazy E:one debuting June 30 at North Star as a megawatt rock production with Schnazzola and another stingingly improvisational as Thursday-monthly host of his "Lounge Lab" at the Raven July 6.He may bring a nicer brand of musicale to World Café Live's Beta Hi-Fi-fest. Hans knows each facet of being D met with resistance."Theater people were leery about Dirty being a radio personality, event coordinators were unsure how Dirty'd play as rock show. Each group's been loyal and devout yet segregated in its thinking."But from strippers ("God bless them," says D) to punk-psychobillyites to hippie-jam fans ("I still don't get that!"),the edgier the music,the more appreciated the D.And know this — there is no bad blood,despite rumors, between him and World Café Live.He loves them. They don't want to punch him. I don't think.

More ChannelChaos:Not only do we hear Sirius' been sniffing around CC,the Internet show celebrates a one-year anniversary at Sleazy's place o' employ:Oasis Gentleman's Club in Southwest Philly with a day-party jamboree July 10. Oasis? Isn't that where fave porn starlet Belladonna— anal queen extraordinaire,baseball bats welcome — appeared last week?

MO'PORNO: WHOWHAWHERE:"It's one long dick joke — just like the first one." OK, who said that to me while heading into CBS 3 studios? Ukee Washington? No. Kevin Smith,who rolled through Philly talk-ing up Clerks 2. Look for more of us talking in July. Alejandro Escovedo, after his downstairs WCL set, hung upstairs,amazed by the semiregular appearance of Philly's frantic Franz Schubert and their show of tiki torches and limbo competitions.That was Middle East pater Joe Tayoun spied outside Scoreboard at 10th and Washington — a corner grille 'n' bar he's managing." My daughter's gonna help me run the place — I'm no kid,"said Tayoun."Should be fun."Hip-hop mistresses Charlie Baltimore and Jill Scott both hit Echochic, separately, in one afternoon, with Charlie buying a Sass & Bide ve$t and Scott a dress and some jewelry.

Big week for Drexel's renegade L-Cast Records.You missed roaring Come Dionysusat Khyber (yeah, you did!) so check out their Mask video (www.myspace.com/patrickjferguson). After just dropping Live From the Halycon Gallery (they're already recording a new CD), freak-jam-funkateers Kef play the Raven June 29.And the RoxyMusic-meets-Flaming Lips To the Moon releases its Something to Hide EP July 2.

The anatomy of blowing up: First, he's getting a documentary made on him by local director Rob Stoller's Art in Motion.Then he's producing J-Dia's debut disc featuring Styles P.Then he's knee-deep in collaboration with Scott Storch (separately tracking Philly's Nox Nation):That's osteogenesis imperfecta (O.I.)-afflicted Philly producer Simon Illa who, after one very recent week at Storch's Miami studio, now finds himself doing biz with Timbaland, snagging a placement deal with Tim's manager Bill Pettawayto produce UGK (Pimp C,Bun B) for their new arrangement with Jive/Zomba Records for Sept.'06.(Plus Pimp 'n' Bun are repped by the local super-lawyer couple of Sally Mattison and Bernie Resnick.Keeps the whole story in the Philly fam.)

Philly's Ruffnation Film peeps Chris Schwartz and Rich Murray just inked a DVD distro deal wit' Universal Visual Entertainment."We're releasing at least five films in the first year — beginning with Money Power Respect in July and Death Before Dishonor in October," says Murray, talking up Philly director Jamal Hill's Moneyand a code-of-thestreets hip-hop doc featuring The Gameand Fat Joe. But the news is Murray's directing his own doc on the whole "stop snitching"controversy."I interviewed hiphop stars and FBI guys," says Murray, in hiding. Sike.

KNOW THIS:WPRB 103.3 FM is due for its sevenyear license renewal review.Why are some of its peeps scared it might'n't get re-upped?

When lovely freakfolkie Jen Hessplays Sisters June 30 (with Stargazer Lily Steph Hayes) she'll have an important question: Do you have money? Real money? Because she's looking to record CD no. 3 and craves a backer with an eye/ear toward independence — Jen's that is.On that tip,the less-folkie,still-freaky,equally divine Kurt Vile: He's headed into studio with BrianMcTear.

While the shiny silver Chef Kitchen Joe Poon opened six months ago sadly winds down its Cherry Street existence, two recent restau-folk are doubling their pleasure: Amada's Jose Garces is going for a Basque-like Amadita on 20th Street.And we hear rumors about South 18th's cheesy Tria going artisanally crazy with a second locale within the B3.And did you know chef Scott Schroeder and Deuce owner Laura Vernola hate each other? I'm joking.He's just not cooking there anymore.Wait.Maybe they do hate each other.