Sat., July 1, 5:30 p.m., $150-$500, Battleship New Jersey Museum and Memorial, 62 Battleship Place, Camden, N.J., 856-966-1652, ext. 225, www.battleshipnewjersey.org

Forget polo and garden parties—this summer's upper crust event is taking place aboard a giant hunk of steel.

Bust out those monocles and man your stations on the Battleship New Jersey during its Fourth Annual Independence Day Battleship Blast fundraiser. Proceeds help maintain the ship, and $500 gets you the VIP-diddy treatment.

Picture it: You, sipping cocktails in your swanky spangly dress, feeling sorry for all those poor bastards on their pathetic yachts that look like driftwood in comparison. For that pretty chunk of change, you get a cocktail reception complete with fine dining, a performance by the Original Trilby String Band (which'll be all gussied up like Uncle Sam) and a prime skyline view for the after-dark fireworks show.

Who knew giant warships were so high maintenance?