At Siong Ho's cavernous Banana Leaf (1009 Arch St., 215-592-8288), the only thing that outshines the servers' floral-print shirts is the massive menu. While a slew of Malaysian dishes appear, they also make forays into other types of Asian cuisine, exemplified by their full sushi bar and menu.

When it comes to food, Malaysia's a three-headed multicultural beast—Chinese, Indian and native Malaysian traditions co-exist, and there's room for everyone at the table. Chinese influence can be found in stir-fried noodle and rice dishes; popular Indian dishes include curries and roti canai, a thin and crispy crepelike pancake. Malay dishes rely on tropical fruit flavors and strong pastes and sauces.

Chow kueh teow is a great example of Malaysian food's heavy seafood element. It consists of stir-fried flat rice noodles mixed with shrimp, squid, bean sprouts, eggs, soy sauce and chili paste. Squid is especially huge over there, and Banana Leaf uses the ink-tastic critter in many of its dishes.

The straight veg contingent might want to watch out for Banana Leaf's curry fish head, as it blatantly violates the "don't eat anything with a face" rule. "Please ask server for advice before you order," the menu suggests.

Point out your favorite menu item with bagus sekali (ba-GOOSE say-ka-lie), which translates to "this is the best."

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Teh-tarik, or "pulled tea," is similar in taste to the Thai iced tea popular with Americans. Malaysians use condensed milk to sweeten the drink. The difference is in its preparation—in true exhibitionist fashion, street vendors pour lava-hot tea between two glasses, increasing the distance with each "pull." The end result: a thick, frothy refreshment that makes Lipton's look like the contents of a catheter bag.

My Internet research on Malaysia turned up the greatest national law of all time. From an actual immigration warning: "Malaysia welcomes bona fide tourists but not hippies. … If you are found dressed in shabby, dirty or indecent clothes, or living in temporary or make-shift shelters you will be deemed to be a hippie. … Furthermore, you will not be permitted to enter Malaysia again." I'm moving there and converting to Islam based solely on this.

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