Killings by Philadelphia police up dramatically from last year. Tackleberry! Minus 6

Thousands of undocumented workers protest at Sixth and Market streets. "This is so much better than the Home Depot parking lot," says general contractor. "Now hop in my panel van!" Plus 2

Anna Verna contemplates leaving Council's two empty seats vacant until 2008. Verna has apparently calculated that the absence of Cohen and Mariano constitutes "a wash." Minus 2

Three major sports talk radio stations, including WIP, can now be listened to via Sprint PCS cell phones. "Tim from Villanova, you're on WIP. Please, turn your radio off. Oh, it's your phone. Go find a pay phone, Tim." Minus 2

Jockey Tony Black records his 5,000th career victory at Philadelphia Park. "Now can somebody help me down?" he asks. Plus 1

Rick Mariano is a no-show for his last day of work. "Sorry," says Mariano. "I was down at the horsey track. Tony beat me again." Even

School District cuts ties with Virginia company K12 whose co-founder last year made controversial comments about crime and aborting black babies. "How many times can I say I'm sorry?" asks Morgan Spurlock. Plus 3

Prisoners at Philadelphia's Federal Detention Center, including Lil' Kim, are denied visitation rights after a visitor tried to sneak in a cell phone. "Now that's what I call a cell phone!!" says Philadelphia Weekly's Heroes & Goats. Even

Vice President Cheney visits Philadelphia to honor Middle East historian Bernard Lewis. And shoots him in the face. Minus 7

CBS 3 anchor Alycia Lane denies reports that she had sexual relations with Prince Albert at a party in Monaco. Well, she's strutting around town like she's had Prince Albert in the can. Even

Last week's total: 9