Nothing gets Office Furniture Outlet hotter than shitty products. They're hosting a contest in search of Philadelphia's most hideous desk-monkey perch; the ugliest-ass chair wins a brand-new leather Tiffany worth $589. We predict a Center City cube-monkey diaspora with thousands of slack-jawed collating peons wheeling their plaid-upholstered monstrosities across the Ben Franklin Bridge. Hackneyed Office Space references might impress the judges, but remember that (lack of) quality is job one. The more Campbell's Soup At Hand stains, the better. Thu., March 30 deadline, winners and finalists announced Wed., April 5, 4-7 p.m., Office Furniture Outlet, 2860 Route 73 North, Maple Shade, N.J., 856-439-9500.