Plans for a new school in Kensington are put on hold when a cemetery is discovered beneath the surface of the proposed site. Disappointed second-grader Carol Ann says, "But I wanted to join the AV club." Plus 1

Chester County's Bam Margera spends a night in jail when security at LAX airport finds brass knuckles in his luggage. Slamming-airplane-door-on-wiener stunt postponed. Minus 1

Following a ceiling collapse, the shower rooms in Philly's oldest prison, House of Correction, are closed. And with them, the city's oldest penal gloryhole. Minus 2

Capital Program Office recommends City Council borrow money to deal with the cast iron facade that has been falling off City Hall. Who knew all that bird crap was serving a purpose? Minus 1

Drexel sorority wins a party with ABC soap opera stars in a contest. "Remember," says Susan Lucci to her co-stars. "Use small words." Plus 1

Fan pays for Prince's after-party at 32° in return for an invitation. Prince was relieved, after Prince found out management would not accept Prince's frilly purple paper with a drawing of a human eye and the letters O and U as payment. Plus 2

Neumann-Goretti's buzzer-beating Catholic League championship victory at La Salle erupts in violence. You call that violence? You should see the Goretti girls scrimmage. Minus 3

Anonymous sources report that Lil' Kim's breast implants are leaking. Soon she'll be Ev'n Lil'r Kim. Minus 2

Bow-tie wearing Raj Bhakta, formerly a contestant on The Apprentice, announces he'll run for Congress to represent Montgomery County and part of Philly. Meanwhile, Queen Heidi Bressler delivers State of Who's on Third address from her bar-top throne. Even

Total pluses: 4
Total minuses: 9
This week's total: -5
Last week's total: -15