Pa. lawmakers and activist groups work to ban AWOL machines, which allow you to breathe in alcohol instead of drinking it. For the record, Bell Curve is holding out for the Jaegermeister suppository. Minus 1

HUD says Philly did not inform a couple of their rights when it forced them out of their Juniata Park business to make way for a housing development. "We feel a little misinformed too," say Juniata Park's newest residents. "I mean, have you seen this place?" Minus 5

Rick Mariano's ex-chief of staff says one of the councilman's former aides bought a house in the Northeast for $1. "Sounds about right," says HUD. Minus 1

Deputy chief information officer Michael Dean gives two months' notice after it is discovered he lives outside city limits. "Gimme a dollar," says Mariano. "I'll hook you up." Minus 1

Ed Snider says he was being tongue-in-cheek when he said that the Sixers should be moved. "Get it?" says Snider. "Now, lemme show you my hilarious Prophet Muhammad cartoons." Minus 1

Allen Iverson wasn't invited to play for Team USA in the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing. "It's a shame," says Iverson. "I'd love to play in a city that would really enjoy the game." Minus 3

Hahnemann Hospital is adding spikes and other deterrents to their stone railing to discourage loiterers from having a seat there. Just Hahnemann's way of beefing up business at their new Gluteal Puncture Trauma Unit. Minus 2

Activist Marianne Bessey from Friends of Philly Elephants is banned from the zoo after allegedly threatening the zoo president in a chat room. "I said 'jk,'" she says. "How many times I gotta say 'jk'? I mean, JK!!!!1 :-D ROTFLMAO! I mean WTF? OK? brb." Minus 1

Bessey says she is a victim of character assassination. ":'(" she adds. Even

Total pluses: 0
Total minuses: 15
This week's total: -15
Last week's total: -1