John is dead. George is dead. Ringo plays all shore points. And unless you've got $700, the patience to sit through Ameriquest Financial ads and the stomach for his new songs, you won't be seeing too much of Paul.

Unless you can stand the Rain (you caught me singing New Edition) the five-man Beatle tribute that actually plays, live, the Fabs' intricate original harmonies and arrangements. And they don't give a fuck about those other Beatle imitators. (Rain will be at the Academy of Music Jan. 19 to 21, www.raintribute.com)

"I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings," says Steve Landes, the Lansdale, Pa., native who acts and sings the John Lennon bit in Rain. "I've certainly got nothing against [other imitators], I'm usually friends with them. Good or bad—and there are plenty of both—they're getting the music out."

But rather than specialize in early Beatles (1964) or later ones (Classical Mystery Tour) Rain is all-inclusive, with a theatrical production largess that includes period-appropriate costuming, video and backdrops.

They've done it all since the 1970s, when Mark Lewis' Reign—an Orange County band with a clutch of Beatles covers in their original set—turned to the all-fab Rain and got hired by Dick Clark to record the soundtrack to his made-for-television Birth of the Beatles in 1979. Landes, an in-his-30s guitarist, pianist, harmonicat and onetime Beatlemania member joined Rain as Lennon after the death of its original Lennon in 1997.

Landes (who should get an award for making it out of Lansdale, period) left his home at 17 when an ex-Beatlemania member (South Jersey's Bob Williford) got him an audition for the Broadway Beatlemania production. Landes, a Crowded House/Green Day fanatic, has done his own music here and there. But he's made the Beatles his bread 'n' butter ever since the audition.

"No one ever told me I looked or sounded like Lennon—it was me," Landes says. Of course, now he gets the "You sound just like John" and even "You look exactly like him" stuff. "When I'm offstage, being myself, sometimes I'll get the "You just walked so much like John,' or "You just made a John face.' He just kinda seeps in."

Landes most enjoys taking on Lennon '63 to '64 and the peace-era John. "Early, because they were so young and so full of piss and vinegar. They wanted to rule the world and couldn't believe it when they actually did. And the latter, because it revealed John's honesty. Whether it was saying he loved you or hated you, he said what he really felt. And he really did believe that love could change the world. So do I."

Speaking of which, yes, being John Lennon has gotten Landes laid. "Imagine being a musician portraying probably the coolest guy ever in rock 'n' roll," says Landes, unintentionally aping the Thinking Beatle's most thoughtful song. Yes, he's dealt with callous sorts who yell, "Hey, aren't you the dead one?" or joke with him about hating Yoko.

"The funny thing is that each Beatle gets a specific fan: Ringo always gets the kids; Paul, the soccer moms, divorcees and women who were little screaming kids crying for the real Paul in 1964; George, the guitar techs who want to know how he got that tone on "Day Tripper' or what the opening chord to "A Hard Day's Night' is."

Landes seems to get the guy who wants to tell him all about how John speaks to him in his dreams, or his theories on how John was a secret KGB operative, with special knowledge of secret interplanetary plans for world domination. Of course, getting the occasional hot girl now and again makes that all worthwhile.

"Our show is one of the few outlets for Beatles fans to show their love for them, 'cause you can't go to a Beatles concert and scream like crazy anymore, and you can't really do that at a convention either."