435 Dekalb Pike, King of Prussia, 610-337-2670
If you go here on your special day, be wary of anyone in orange hot pants. (That's just good advice in general.) The waitresses escort birthday boys to the front of the restaurant, sing and dance around them and sometimes break out the hula hoop. "Some people won't come to the front," says bartender Jaimee Lee. "It's annoying for the waitresses—we're like, what the hell?" So are we, Jaimee Lee. So are we.

Fifth and South sts., 215-829-9222
This chain's Pleasantville-scary staff has mastered the art of embarrassing its patrons. When servers find out someone's celebrating, they get the entire restaurant's attention by turning off the jukebox and lights. This is followed by birthday boilerplate: "Every day is a great day at Johnny Rocket's, but today is a special day!"

258 S. 15th St., 215-545-2818
This Italian restaurant takes a family-style approach to mortifying birthday-goers. The staff, cooks included, gather around your table to sing and invite other diners to join in. So long as it goes down in the shrinelike Pope Room, I'm cool with it.

9 Snyder Ave., 215-551-4080
Faulting a giant mouse for being embarrassing is like criticizing the Olive Garden for not making its own linguine. Regardless, any birthday party held here is guaranteed to evoke sheepish grins among its adult chaperones. Celebrants can enjoy a decorated table, a "special show" from the Chuckster and a wedge of birthday cake. You also get five bucks in tokens if you book ahead, which is perfect if you're looking to whip some 6-year-old in Skeeball.

9142 Roosevelt Blvd., 215-677-5532
"Happy happy birthday, from Applebee's to you! We wish it was our birthday, so we could party too!" I think that speaks for itself.