Residents of Chester County, the last place in the Philly area still using punch card and lever voting systems, are protesting the federal mandate to install modern voting machines. "Now, if you city folk'll excuse us," announced Old Man Warner, the oldest man in Chester County, "it's time to gather stones for our Lottery."
Plus 1

It will take months for those applying for gambling licenses in PA to be confirmed or denied. But only seconds for those applying for credit at Wild Milton's Slot-o-teria.
Plus 2

The Franklin Institute will receive $10 million in federal money to restore and expand the Benjamin Franklin National Memorial. "We're moving the whole damned thing to the top of Liberty Place," says Institute spokesperson. "Welcome to Bensylvania, bitches!"
Plus 4

Neighborhood groups in North and South Philly paint over illegally placed "graffiti-style" ads for Sony PSP. We'll paint our own ugly murals, thank you very much.
Plus 2

Gov. Rendell says that if New Jersey does not agree to deepen the Delaware River shipping channel, the PATCO High-Speed Line may get shut down. Hey, were the gun turrets on the U.S.S. New Jersey always facing west?
Minus 7

Bryn Mawr student who spent three weeks in jail in 2003 after airport security found three condoms full of flour in her luggage, files a civil rights lawsuit against city police. All right: We're seeing Kate Moss as the student, Ice T as the hard-nosed narcotics cop and Jodie Foster as the tough-but-caring professor in a sort of Heavenly Creatures meets Good Will Hunting feel-good dramedy.
Plus 5

Total pluses: 14
Total minuses: 7
This week's total: 7
Last week's total: -5