From around 9 p.m. on the snowy evening of Dec. 5 into the wee hours of Dec. 6, Northern Liberties' most prestigious, exclusive and possibly most debauched annual event transpired at Second Street and Fairmount Avenue's 700 Club. Guests by personal invitation of club owners Tracy Stanton and Kurt Wunder celebrated the eighth annual 700 Awards.

The stylish boys had visited their haberdashers for their habiliments—the most popular habit being the pinstriped suit, with ankle boots or Converse sneakers, and the occasional white tie. The girls wore their finest frocks, prom dresses or bridesmaid gowns, though within this group remained a faction allied to their jeans, thermals and ski caps. All were so outfitted to be on hand to see who would go home with awards such as "The Biggest Wino" and "Drunkest Parent."

The ceremony, originally conceived to celebrate the anniversary of the bar's opening, has "become some sort of cult," says Stanton, who, with Wunder, aims to "honor most accomplished patrons with trophies that glorify their individual feats in the arenas of drinking and fraternizing."

All imbibed copiously from the open bar, then repaired to the upstairs lounge for an opening speech by one Jimmy "Tangy J" Townsend, who imparted the importance of the number eight, noting that the numerical figure looks not unlike a "pair of bosoms smooshed together," or the symbol for infinity. He expounded quite lengthily and affected a lisp throughout.

Following a keyboard performance by the Family Vanstone, awards were bestowed. Among the notable were "The Will Kreiger Honorary Early Bird Award" presented by Ed Farnsworth to Bob Kirksey—the first man through the door. DJ Julia Factorial presented "Biggest Wino" to a woman named Blane; Shannon Formica presented the dubious "Drunkest Parent" honor to Jen Franklin—eliciting a round of boos from other ostensibly drunk parents. Brian "House of Pain" Lynch presented "All Things Irish" to Irish Dave, who is, in fact, Irish. Attractive gentlemen Jake and Damien presented "The Annual Pundit Award" to Chopper, ironworker and resident authority on things. Bartender Woody, a knowledgeable source of scatology, appropriately presented the "The Best Use of the Toilet" to an absent Mrs. Lynch. In the interest of full disclosure, it should be noted that Rachel Vitarelli and Becky Suss presented the "Separated at Birth" award to Todd Siwinski and your humble reporter. No acceptance speech was prepared.

After the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees Local 52 Union gave a 21-shots-of-Heaven-Hill salute to "absent friends and departed comrades," the crowd cheered the evening's main event: the presentation of the crested 700 blazer to the winner of the Paul Williams Lifetime Achievement Award. It was presented by its namesake (700's "longest running regular," according to Stanton) to Heeseung Lee, who in accordance with Williams' own tradition, showed "near perfect attendance and vigorous consumption of alcoholic beverages." Lee joined the 700 elite—previous winners include Williams, Wunder and Stanton—by displaying, according to Williams, whose name has become a paradigm for human comportment while frequenting your local bar, "diligence, dedication, craftsmanship and a respect for the art of drinking."

The crowd cheered. And then they danced.