City Hall adds colorful lights to its east and west portals to attract tourists to Center City for the holiday season. "Because we honest to God think tourists are like moths," says Mayor Street.
Plus 1

New book by a Temple Professor says the U.S. government was behind JFK's assassination. "You know," says mysterious voicemail, "If you were a UPenn professor, you'd be dead by now."
Even

The Inky reports that a police officer who's cost the city $1 million in court settlements—for performing a public strip search and throwing a minister to the ground at the airport, among other things—is still on the force. But in the case of Officer Mondevergine, it's more of an honorary position.
Minus 3

Judge rejects prosecution's request that Mariano undergo psychological evaluation before standing trial for corruption. A grateful Mariano eats his own shoe.
Even

Wachovia says it will no longer sponsor's the city's annual bike race, which has also lost its designation as the U.S. cycling championship. Cyclists applaud: "What most people don't realize is that the worst part of the Manayunk Wall was the surcharge."
Minus 5

Relief pitcher Billy Wagner leaves the Phillies for the Mets. "Without Jim Thome around to translate," says Wagner, "I just didn't know how I was going to understand Charlie Manuel."
Minus 3

Parking Authority's new budget says it will collect $5 million more in tickets and towing in 2006. Dear Parking Authority, Go fucking fuck yourselves you fucking fuckfaces. Fuck you very much, Bell Curve Staff, on behalf of our fair city.
Minus 9

Total pluses: 1
Total minuses: 20
This week's total: -19
Last week's total: -16