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Who would've thought TV's Carol Brady, puppies and toilet paper have so much in common? In hopes of branding its tail-wagging mascot on the brains of consumers all over America, Cottonelle wants families to write and perform songs about their own pooches. "The yellow lab puppy is a well-loved and recognized ambassador for our brand, so we're trying to link the brand and dogs and the special relationship they bring to families," gushes Stu Schneider, associate marketing director of Cottonelle. Families can dress up and choreograph a dance routine, but they must bring their four-legged friends to auditions and compose an original score. For the less than musically adept, Cottonelle added Music Maker and Band Builder features to its Web site; users click on instruments to make masterpieces. The T.P. people will choose 11 families from the droves likely to show up for auditions and mail-in video entries. Finalists can bank on $2,500 and a trip to New York, where Florence Henderson will announce the top dog at a special red-carpet event. The family who flaunts the best doggy style — and nabs the most online votes between Sept. 19 and 30 — wins $200,000 for a home makeover and the chance to push Cottonelle in a People magazine ad. The Philadelphia region is the only one in the Northeast to host live auditions. Tell 'em Snoop sent ya.

Cottonelle Tales of Best Friends and Family Song Competition, Fri.-Sat., Aug. 26-27, 8 a.m.-7 p.m., Holiday Inn, Route 70 and Sayer Ave., Cherry Hill, N.J., 856-873-5000, www.cottonelle.com.