August 4-10, 2005

slant

The Joker Is Wild

Got a societal ill? Let Rick Santorum set you straight.

by Jonathan Zimmerman

Last week Sen. Rick Santorum began a tour to promote his new book, It Takes a Family, which indicts liberals for eroding America's traditional values. Three years ago, however, Santorum's attack on liberalism assumed a more specific geographic target.

I speak, of course, of Boston. In remarks that appeared at Catholic Online, Santorum linked the clergy sex abuse scandal in Boston to the city's liberal political culture. "Priests, like all of us, are affected by culture," Santorum wrote in July 2002. "While it is no excuse for this scandal, it is no surprise that Boston, a seat of academic, political and cultural liberalism in America, lies at the center of the storm."

Massachusetts politicians and abuse-survivor groups demanded an apology, noting — correctly — that the rates of reported abuse by priests in Boston were smaller than in many other parts of the country. But perhaps they took our junior senator just a touch too seriously. Some comments are simply so ridiculous that they cry out for ridicule; anything else will give them more dignity than they deserve.

So let's imagine Sen. Santorum, opining on some other hot-button issues of the day.

On Michael Jackson: "Jackson sleeps with little boys, and we profess shock. Hel-lo? Can you say "Harvard-Hollywood Connection?' It is no surprise that Los Angeles, a seat of the liberal entertainment industry, lies at the center of the storm."

On the steroid scandal in baseball: "What do Barry Bonds and Haight-Ashbury have in common? You got it: drugs, drugs and more drugs. It is no surprise that San Francisco, a seat of the liberal 1960s drug culture, lies at the center of the storm."

On the wedding of ex-teacher and convicted molester Mary Kay LeTourneau to Vili Fualaau, her victim: "You want depravity? I'll give you depravity. A sixth-grade teacher seduces her student, goes to prison, gets released, and then marries him. It is no surprise that Seattle, a seat of latte-sipping liberal excess, lies at the center of the storm."

On Kobe Bryant: "Prosecutors have dropped sexual assault charges against Bryant, but he's surely guilty of adultery — and much more. It is no surprise that Eagle, Colo., which is just down the road from the limousine-liberal ski lifts at Aspen, lies at the center of the storm. Oh, and did I mention that Bryant plays basketball in Los Angeles?"

On "Runaway Bride" Jennifer Wilbanks: "Talk about moral turpitude! A young Atlanta woman agrees to be married, then disappears a few days before her wedding. Remember a certain peanut farmer from Plains? It is no surprise that Georgia, a seat of the liberal Jimmy Carter administration, lies at the center of the storm."

On Bill Clinton: "Can we sink any lower? The president had sex with an intern in the Oval Office. It is no surprise that Washington, D.C., a seat of big-government liberalism since the 1930s, lies at the center of the storm."

Get it? With his remarks about Boston priests, Santorum himself sank to new lows. The senator is worse than an embarrassment. He's a joke. And one good joke deserves another.

Or maybe I'm missing something here. After all, I work in the Greenwich Village section of New York City. It is no surprise that Greenwich Village, a seat of liberal hedonism for more than a century, lies at the center of the storm.

Jonathan Zimmerman teaches history at New York University and lives in Narberth. He is the author of Whose America? Culture Wars in the Public Schools. If you would like to respond to this Slant or submit one of your own (750 words), contact Duane Swierczynski, editor in chief, City Paper, 123 Chestnut St., third floor, Phila., PA 19106 or e-mail Duane Swierczynski.