Heads Will Roll

by Nicole Woods

CAKE WALK

Hold out one hand and you can probably count the number of French citizens who lit firecrackers and barbecued in their backyards on Independence Day. Freedom Fries aside, America is still gearing up to celebrate the storming of the Bastille, marking the anniversary of France's own revolutionary war. Eastern State Penitentiary Program Director Sean Kelley explains why the infamous jail is hosting a soiree of its own: "Bastille Day sounded like a lot of fun, and we happen to have an abandoned 145-year-old prison. What better excuse is there to have a party?" Although the imposing historic landmark looks somber on the outside, this celebration is a family-friendly event. The Eastern State building will assume the Bastille's role in a historically inaccurate storming that involves the capture of Marie Antoinette, a functioning guillotine with a 35-pound steel blade, and costumed actors with heads on pikes and tucked into baskets. Poor Marie will utter the infamous-but-misattributed quote about cake, and the crowd will be showered with mini prepackaged desserts. Expect a more adult crowd as the party moves up the street to 23rd and Fairmount, where the block will be closed for live swing music and booths selling sausage sandwiches and French beer. For people still riding a patriotism high from the Fourth, Kelley promises a glut of French jokes in the script, which is rewritten each year. If that isn't enough to dispel feelings of U.S. disloyalty, flip the French flag around and note the combination of bleu, blanc and rouge is really red, white and blue — and America had it first.

"Storming of the Bastille," Sat., July 16 (rain date on Sun., July 17), 5:30 p.m., free, Eastern State Penitentiary, 22nd St. and Fairmount Ave., 215-236-3300, www.easternstate.org/events/bastille.html