The Live8 Drinking Game

Not much explanation needed here. If we're gonna make it out of this thing alive, we're all gonna need to get good and loaded. Here's the plan:

Drink once if Jon Bon Jovi is wearing a Philadelphia Soul jersey.
Drink twice if Tony Graziani plays bongos on "Lay Your Hands on Me."
Drink once if Will Smith drops the host charade and performs "Summertime." Drink twice if Carlton shows up in his zipper jacket.
Drink twice if Maroon 5 does a second song.
Drink once if that Jedi-baiting tramp Natalie Portman turns you to the dark side. Poor Anakin :'(
Drink once if Jay-Z changes his hit lyrics to "Starving children are among my 99 problems. (Bitch, however, still under control.)" Drink twice if Beyonce's mom made his outfit.
Drink twice if Africa hears Dave Matthews and says "No, thanks!"
Drink once if P. Diddy shows up after all to promote his new "Eat or Die" campaign.
Don't drink for Rob Thomas. Hate that dude.
Drink twice if Africa starts an impromptu benefit to feed Jennifer Connolly.
Drink once if Stevie Wonder covers that Jamiroquai song. Drink twice if he covers that Red Hot Chili Peppers song.
Drink twice if Sarah McLachlan.

Toby Keith humps flags.

Drink once for Def Leppard reuniting. Drink twice if their drummer reunites.
Drink each time that tank-hugging, flag-humping fucktard Toby Keith opens his unshaven jerky-hole.
Drink once if you donate money to find a cure for Salma Hayek.
Drink thrice if you take out the Black Eyed Peas. You've earned it.
Drink once if Jimmy Smits is going to be the next president on The West Wing. Oops, that was a spoiler! Don't read that!
Finish your drink if anyone mentions the G8 conference.
Drink heavily if Bono says he loves you via satellite.
Pour a little out for poor Ruben Studdard. We're sorry, 2005.