Distraction-Packed

imaginary friends: Lava Girl (Taylor Dooley, left) and Shark Boy (Taylor Lautner) in the flesh.

Shark Boy never stops moving, but it dies anyway.

The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D

by Shaun Brady

Robert Rodriguez is an overgrown kid. From the juvenile James Bondery of the Spy Kids franchise to the cartoon gunplay of El Mariachi et al., arrested development is always in evidence. Even Sin City's gut-churning violence comes straight out of a comic book, brutal noir for the flashlight-under-the-covers set.

With The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D, Rodriguez turns from his inner child to an actual one; the story was dreamed up by his 7-year-old son, Racer Max. Encouraging your children's artistic endeavors is what Super-8 cameras and backyards are for. Notwithstanding his well-intentioned messages about the importance of dreaming, Rodriguez may win the indulgent father of the decade award for this one.

Cayden Boyd stars as Max, a friendless moppet with his head in the clouds. His daydreaming is discouraged by his squabbling parents (Kristin Davis and David Arquette, the only elements less believable than the CGI dreamworlds) and his teacher (George Lopez, mugging like he's angling for some of that Robin Williams money). Bullied by his classmates, Max doesn't help matters by passing off his encounters with the titular teen superheroes as real. He is finally vindicated when, as the classroom is threatened by a tornado, Shark Boy (Taylor Lautner) and Lava Girl (Taylor Dooley) show up in the flesh.

The duo whisk Max off to Planet Drool, the site of his dreams, which faces destruction by an encroaching darkness. Meanwhile, Lava Girl searches for her own identity, Shark Boy worries about his long-lost father, and… well, none of it makes much sense, which is why screenwriting is usually left to those old enough to drive themselves to the theater. Adventures superficially resembles The Neverending Story, but lacks its charm and fairy-tale simplicity. Instead we're left with garish colors and complicated, contradictory entanglements.

Like any boy in a man's skin, Rodriguez loves his toys. But the 10 credited FX houses fail to update the 3-D technology, which involves the same drained palette, ghosted images and headache-inducing cardboard glasses we suffered 20 years ago. Characters point, spit and explode into the camera, but nobody seems to do much of anything. Neither hero has any human traits, and given that they're imaginary beings, it's never clear why we should care what happens to them or their world. And the actual hero, Max, does little more than look for a place to sleep so he can dream his way out of his troubles.

With Spy Kids, Rodriguez proved he could craft a pop adventure for kids that wasn't too mindless for their parents. He lost that knack over the course of the trilogy, replacing humanity with gimmickry and forgetting, like George Lucas, that just because he can afford to do something doesn't mean that he should.

The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D Written and directed by Robert Rodriguez A Miramax release Now playing at area theaters