icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

Feuds are good for the blood. The heightened bitchfest between parties — especially when each is of equal loathsomeness — stiffens my prick harder than a lesbo death match between Angelina Jolie and a hologram of Angelina Jolie. And while the dull-thudding tiff between WIP oafs Howard Eskin and Angelo Cataldi would be interesting if each wouldn't need to read seven million books just to sound lowbrow, the sniping that Mayor John Street shot at anti-smoking hack and councilman Michael Nutter, is jape-o-licious. When the latter wrote exemptions into the smoking ban (without first discussing such with the mayor) for bars with less than 10 percent of gross sales in food and to private membership clubs, Street called Nutter "a little insular" at a press conference. We would've preferred the mayor take the gloves off and call Nutter a "red gleaming asshole" or "crib death in a suit." But hey. And while afterhours joints are currently getting a break when it comes to possible bans, they won't feel so good if slot machines come to town. When the mayor, along with slots and gaming officials, met with city tavern owners last week, the idea of 24-hour casino gaming at race tracks like Philly Park and the under-construction Chester Downs didn't bother private-club owners as much as the possibility of 24-hour slot houses at Broad and Spring Garden, the Navy Yard and 12th and Market. "If a place with slot machines serves liquor 'round the clock, it'll reduce our business," said one after-hour entrepreneur. And that doesn't even take into account what happens when slot joints get cocaine concessions going. … WHOWHATWHERE: While y'all've been tracking a bearded Jim Carrey through Philly's boites (Zanzibar Blue) and theatres (Arden), I found an unbearded-in-every-way Carson Kressley, dressed in an un-Queer-Guy print shirt, hanging at Lowe's Hotel in-between Devon Horse Show appearances. He really wanted to talk about his co-star in the upcoming The Perfect Man, Heather Locklear. "She's a rocker chick, you'd like her," Kressley told me. "She's got this "TLC' tattoed on her ankle and when I asked her if it meant "Tender Loving Care' she said it was for "Tommy Lee" and that she just added the "C.'" Presumably so as not to piss off the shorter-appendaged Richie Sambora. Also spotted at Lowe's: Carol Alt who, despite sporting a mini-skirt, chose to wear big visible panties as opposed to a thong, which was wronger than wrong. Not as sexy as an old, baggy-drawered model, Sam Prekop and Archer Prewitt ushered in the new Spaceboy at 704 South with an early eve performance (Jamaladeen Tacuma did something similar with Jukebox Zeros and Ken when DiPinto Guitars opened their 407 E. Girard space days previous). Though neither the Prince Theater nor NARAS screening of Don Argott's Paul Green documentary, Rock School, drew any celebs, its NYC screening days prior found Kevin Bacon out 'n' about. … How'bout some upcoming WHOWHATWHERES? That's not Will Ferrell. It's James Lipton of Inside the Actors Studio weirdly enthusing while getting his doctor of humane letters at Drexel University's June 11 commencement ceremonies. And when hillbillies from Viva La Bam ain't busy fessin'/not fessin' to fucking Jessica Simpson on local radio, they're in Conshohocken (where they belong). Margera's uncle Don Vito spends June 9 at Bergey's for the area's Hottest Girl contest. Bitches: Wear your teeth! … Speaking of school, just graduated (high school, aren't they both like 18?) Seth Kallen and Melody, the twin towers of Yardley jazz-folk-pop get all dirty at Bar Noir June 13. … And speaking of dirty, Delilah's Diamond G-String Contest (July 13) and its $15,000 award (just enough for even fuller breastseses) just started looking for candidates. Send yer pictures to dear old www.delilahs.com. … Speaking of boobs (sike!) loco-label TickTickTick honcho Dave Palumbo's compilation of area-ites, Get Outta Philly, drops June 11 with a party at the Fire featuring every band (including Thee Minks, Dragon City) except Party Wreckers. JERKOFFS! … Neighborhood Bike Works is their name. "Providing opportunities to youth through bicycling" is their aim. And this week's game, with the aid of Frankenstein's Jeff Harris, is the June 9 graduation and diploma ceremony for NBW's earn-a-bike program at the Sadie Alexander School and the unveiling of Philadelphia Mural Corp's mural featuring those same students painted up as heroes. Check out the St. Mary's Shop at 3916 Locust Walk. … Marc and Jana Grossman open (with initial help of Rich Miller, Dennis' cousin — and look where that got him. Ugh) Helium Comedy Club at 2031 Sansom, June 9. What's not funny? No liquor license. What's heelarious? They're BYOB! Fucking A. … La Veranda expats Fabrizio Pace and Peter Kokalari tried to sneak their opening of Gioia Mia (2025 Sansom, the old Cibucan) last Thursday. Found you. … The girls and boys of Club Dragonfly's monthly Fabric party (June 11, Hamburger Mary's) gets a drop-in by fashion photographer Rayzor Bachand who's not only showing off snaps from his PROJECT RED SOKS (you, naked, save for red socks) — he's looking for models. Start shaving.