June 9-15, 2005

cover story

Ultimate Summer Fun: September

Photo By: Michael T. Regan

Jeez, summer's over already? It seems like we just started this crazy jaunt through the calendar. Let's make it a mad dash to the 22nd — that bastard autumn's first day. Here's your last chance to get naked in the ocean Sept. 2, rain or shine!, dive into a pile of garlic Sept. 3, whale-watch Sept. 6, maybe?, ride your bike from here to forever Sept. 11 and hit the drive-in. J Once you've got your clothes back on, consider rocking out, like Dorothy here (left), at the Northern Liberties Music Festival Sept. 10. Hear local bands, drink some beer, but please walk that scooter home.

THURSDAY, SEPT. 1
Only in Philadelphia: Count how many times someone says "Hot enough for ya?" or, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." Give yourself a quarter each time either expression is uttered. Then use proceeds to buy libations at an outdoor cafe. Yell out, "Hot enough for ya?" to perfect strangers. The quarter rule still applies, so the drinks just keep on coming. —DK

FRIDAY, SEPT. 2
Tonight you will go to the shore. You will leave your bathing suit at home and explore the ocean in your birthday suit. That's right, friend, you will get your skinny-dip on. Tell Sandy and Rosalita to bring the boom box and Springsteen mega-mix. We're talkin' summer memories to last a lifetime. —NR

Illustration By: Jeffrey Bouchard SATURDAY, SEPT. 3 The Pocono Garlic Festival opens in downtown Stroudsburg, Pa. Bring your favorite foodie — or someone you want to break up with by the end of the summer. And be sure to try the garlic funnel cake, considered the delicacy of the day-long event. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., free, Courthouse Square, Stroudsbourg, 610-381-3303, www.poconogarlic.com. --DS

SUNDAY, SEPT. 4
In the mood for a man date? Find a bud and hit the Chaddsford Valley Winery's Labor Day Weekend Jazz Festival, where you can sample the winery's trademark Pinot Grigio or Merican while listening to hot live jazz. To complete the experience, one of you will need to break up with a fiancee, while the other needs to bitch about "not drinking any fucking merlot." Reserve your seats now — yes, in June — because they tend to fill up quick. Lot of man dates goin' on, apparently. Noon-6 p.m., $12, 632 Baltimore Pike, Chadds Ford, 610-388-6221, www.chaddsford.com. —DS

MONDAY, SEPT. 5
While most countries celebrate the achievements of organized labor on May 1, the U.S. and Canada do so on the first Monday of September. Many say this trivializes the whole thing, so why not celebrate Labor Day by gorging yourself on trivia? Quizzo is old news to dedicated followers of NTN Trivia, a gaming network that serves competitive pub crawlers nationwide. Center City's Finn McCools is the only destination with free NTN access this side of New Jersey. To play, every gamer gets an electronic game board to answer questions via several televisions. Just input a gaming name, and you're set to play against fellow bar patrons, with totals compiled on a national level. 12th and Sansom sts., 215-923-3090, www.finnmccoolsphilly.com. —NHM

TUESDAY, SEPT. 6
This is the day we predict Helis, whale pioneer and friend to children, will wash ashore at Penn's Landing. The Mayor will say a few words. A solemn barbecue and soapmaking workshop will follow. And a reminder: When a whale dies of natural causes, it's OK to take some ivory. —PR

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 7
Don't you wanna go bowling in Northern Liberties? It's been a long time since we got an update on North Bowl, the loungey scroungey lanes that are supposedly gonna open up near the Standard Tap. It's gotta be open by this point. We can't keep hauling ass to Brooklawn, people. We got day jobs. 909-915 N. Second St., www.northbowlphilly.com. —PR

THURSDAY, SEPT. 8
No offense to the city's parks system, but if you've got a car, your best bet is taking a drive and seeing what else Pennsylvania has to offer. A plethora of state parks lie within a one- or two-hour haul from Center City, ready to fulfill your nature fix. Rickett's Glen, near Bloomsburg, boasts a breathtaking hiking trail following 22 waterfalls along the Kitchen Creek, while Hickory Run up past Jim Thorpe has the oddly lunar boulder field, a glacial formation that gets kinda eerie around sunset. 888-PA-PARKS; www.dcnr.state.pa.us/stateparks. —JV

FRIDAY, SEPT. 9
Yes, caves are so kitsch they're cool, and with one subterranean room set aside as chapel, Lost River Caverns is a naturally cool place for those with a sense of humor to get hitched. At a constant 52 degrees, nature adds its own AC to this Lehigh Valley road trip. Durham St., Hellertown, 610-838-8767, www.lostcave.com. —MA

Illustration By: Jeffrey Bouchard SATURDAY, SEPT. 10 Shake, rattle and roll out in style at the three-day Hot Rod Hoedown and Rock-N-Roll Rumble in Wilmington, Del., the East Coast's most popular kustom and classic car show. More than 800 souped-up autos — including rat rods, builders, beaters, trucks and muscle cars — park neck-to-neck so the greasers and betties behind the steering wheels can bust a move on the rockabilly dance floor, shell out big bucks for flame detailing or cruise the news for the latest in custom restoration. Tattoos not optional. Kahunaville, 550 S. Madison St., Wilmington, Del., 302-571-6200, www.hotrodhoedown.com. --AH

Northern Liberties Music Festival. This is the one that never gets rained out (knock on wood). Already booked are rockers The Three 4 Tens and Bebek, and hip-hop freakshow Plastic Little. Liberty Lands Park, Third between Poplar and Wildey sts. —PR

SUNDAY, SEPT. 11
Biking 100 miles might seem a tall task, and well, yeah, it is. But with vistas of the Schuylkill all the way out to Chester County, breakfast, four fully stocked rest stops and an all-you-can-cram-down-the-pie-hole pizza frenzy at the finish, the Scenic Schuylkill Century's registration fee (generally about $25) is a bargain (it also includes six months membership in the Bicycle Club of Philadelphia). Plus, the route is designed to allow faltering cyclists to crap out after 25, 38 and 62 miles. Registration information forthcoming at www.phillybikeclub.org, or register on-site (starting point to-be-determined) at 6:45 a.m. for an 8 a.m. start. —BH

MONDAY, SEPT. 12
You love animals, but you're sick and tired of seeing the same crap at the Philadelphia Zoo. It's time to make a short northbound road trip to Elmwood Park Zoo in Norristown for monkeys, eagles, crocodiles, ferrets and whatever else your little heart desires. And remember: Elmwood Park Zoo is dedicated to habitat conservation. And that's a good thing. 1661 Harding Blvd., Norristown, 610-277-3825, www.elmwoodparkzoo.org. —SO

TUESDAY, SEPT. 13
The best thing about Linvilla Orchards' annual Pumpkinland Harvest Festival (Sept. 10-Nov. 6) is the supernatural subtext. They construct big ol' pumpkin-and-apple-themed scenes, flank them with beady-eyed scarecrows and expect you to sip cider and enjoy a leisurely hayride? No way, man. Keep your guard up. Look for unnatural movements in the amber waves. And dammit, don't fall asleep. And wear long pants, too, double dammit, because hay is itchy — murderously itchy! 137 W. Knowlton Rd., Media, 610-876-7116, www.linvilla.com. —PR

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 14
Fuck Arizona. If you absolutely, positively need to see a big gash in the Earth, skip the Brady Bunch-friendly, wildly overrated Grand Canyon and trek up to Pennsylvania's own Pine Creek Gorge, a 47-mile-long, 800-foot-deep area known to locals as Pennsylvania's Grand Canyon. You've got hiking trails, picnic areas and a view that will make you feel like a speck in the eye of the universe. Go west on Rt. 660 and you'll dead-end right at the entrance. 1-888-PA-PARKS. —DS

THURSDAY, SEPT. 15
Jersey Natives will tell you the Jersey Devil has been seen everywhere from Camden to Cape May, but one visit to the wilds of the Pine Barrens and you'll know where he lives. Canoe rentals let you glide the rivers in silence and sneak up on him, if you dare. Pine Barrens Canoe Rental, 3260 Rt. 563, Chatsworth, N.J., 800-732-0793, www.pinebarrenscanoe.com. —MA

FRIDAY, SEPT. 16
As we run out of hot summer nights, there's nothing better than enjoying a popcorn blockbuster the way granddad did. Big-screen drive-ins may be a dying breed, but the Diamond State and Delsea Drive-ins are still going strong, delivering first-run flicks for less than a show at the multiplex. Nobody's going to kick the back of your seat while yelling into a cell phone, either. So set your speakers for surround and make sure the backseat works. Diamond State Drive-in Theater, Rt. 13, Felton, Del., 302-284-8307, www.dsdit.com; Delsea Drive-in, 2203 S. Delsea Dr., Vineland, N.J., 856-696-0011, www.delseadrive-in.com. —JB

SATURDAY, SEPT. 17
Little kids like art, too. That's why the Brandywine River Museum offers specialized audio tours for children ages 6 through 12. Not only do wee ones get to hear about three generations of famous Wyeths, but each young participant is also provided with a handheld, Harry Potter-esque wand to find out more about each piece electronically. The program costs $5 for children plus a $3 wand fee. U.S. Rt. 1, Chadds Ford, 610-388-2700, www.brandywinerivermuseum.org. —NHM

SUNDAY, SEPT. 18
Let's forget for a moment how mad we all are at SEPTA. When you've got a day's worth of downtime and the urge to explore, public transit is a fine way to discover regional nooks and crannies that you've never seen. Pick up a SEPTA Day Pass at Market East or Suburban Station for $5.50, ride the El to Frankford Avenue and back to 69th Street and watch the neighborhoods zip by. See what beckons you to exit, get off and look around. On the less legal side, the R8 Fox Chase used to end in Newtown, while the R3 Media once terminated in West Chester. The abandoned tracks still exist in most places. Follow them and see what's there now. 215-580-7800, www.septa.org. —JV

While some might be celebrating the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival today, others will venture to the Penn's Landing Great Plaza for the Philly Reggae Music Festival. Now you can hang by the river and shout, "Jah mon!" while the area's finest reggae bands fill the open air with Jamaican vibes. Scheduled performers include Sly & Robbie, Mutabaruka and Barrington Levy. Noon-9 p.m., $30 adults ($25 seniors, $10 children under 12), Columbus Blvd. and Chestnut St., www.phillyreggaemusicfestival.com. —SO

How will the Eagles break your hearts this season? Go catch the Birds' first home game of the '05-'06 campaign vs. the 49ers. 1 p.m., Lincoln Financial Field, www.philadelphiaeagles.com. —H

MONDAY, SEPT. 19
Skipping work today? Great! It's time to take a short road trip to

Longwood Gardens in Kennett Square. Bring a camera (and maybe eat a mushroom or two), then look at all the pretty flowers. 1001 Longwood Rd., Kennett Square, 610-388-1000, www.longwoodgardens.com. --SO

TUESDAY, SEPT. 20
Gather up a group of friends. You should all wear identical red T-shirts with no slogans or logos. Then as a crew, roll around the city imitating those hotshot rollerblader assholes who think they're cops. Holler at drivers to slow down and yell at people who jaywalk. Be total cocks all day long while you skate under the warm, refreshing sun. It's fun to feel powerful. —SO

WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 21
Suck it up, doods — summer's over. Send photographic proof that you've completed each of these activities and we'll give you a medal or a kiss or a swirlie or something. Seriously. —BH

What's your idea of summer fun?
"I like to go sit in Rittenhouse Square Park and enjoy the atmosphere. The people all having a good time. The breeze. The dogs running by. It's peaceful. Relaxing."
--Dave Wilson, ABC Bail Bonds

"I'm buying a home in the city. I just reached an agreement yesterday so this summer I'll mostly be moving into the house. Someone just asked me if I was going to the shore, but I prefer to be in the city on weekends in the summer. There are less crazies."
--Rhea Hughes, 610 WIP SportsRadio personality

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