Ultimate Summer Fun: June

Photo by: Michael T. Regan

So the hot-enough-for-ya heat finally kicked in, meaning you can either hide inside or suck it up and sweat. This month, outdoor fun abounds, from the Enduro #2 jalopy free-for-all, Mahoning Valley, June 12, to the Emerica Wild In the Streets/"Free Love Park" jawn, June 21, to the Gaian Mind Summer dance/trance-athon Four Quarters, June 23. Getting in the hot, hot spirit of the Real Men Cook Father's Day charity event, June 19, our Summer Fun spokesmodel, Dorothy (left), stokes the grill at Liberty Lands Park. If you're interested in more controlled climates, may we recommend hanging with the penguins — cool customers in their own right — at the new (or newly renamed) Adventure Aquarium?

THURSDAY, JUNE 9
Does Will & Grace's summer hiatus have you at wit's end? Never fear. Leslie Jordan, the actor who plays Karen Walker's arch rival — tiny but terrorizing Beverley Leslie — is in town tonight and tomorrow as part of the Philadelphia Gay and Lesbian Theatre Festival. His autobiographical one-man show, Like a Dog on Linoleum, concerns his growing up gay and Baptist in Tennessee. Just don't ask him who's taller, him or Megan Mullaly. 7:30 p.m., $35 (includes reception with Jordan), Mandell Theater, 33rd and Chestnut sts., 215-922-1122. Festival runs through June 19, www.philagaylesbiantheatrefest.org. —LH

Be a June bride at Bhangra Bash, a multimedia dance fest and silent auction (with more than 100 art items) to benefit The Painted Bride Art Center. DJ Anil Srivatsa, host of one of India's most popular weekly radio shows, spins South Asian-inspired dance music. Cafe Spice and Whole Foods cook up Indian cuisine with Flying Fish brews to wash it down. 6 p.m., $25 in advance, $30 at door. 230 Vine St., 215-925-9914, www.paintedbride.org. —NHM

Thanks to the wonder of interleague baseball, the Texas Rangers are making their first-ever trip to Philadelphia. Tonight's the last game of the series, and your final chance to boo the team that barely broke .500 (call it 51%) in the years G.W.B. ran them (into the ground). 7:05 p.m., Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way, www.phillies.com. —BH

FRIDAY, JUNE 10
For many Philadelphians, summer is haunted by dreams of that elusive red Phillies pennant. Philadelphia Theatre Company puts a lavender spin on America's favorite pastime with Richard Greenberg's Tony Award- winning play, Take Me Out, about a baseball player who comes out of the closet in the dug out. Locker room scenes feature full frontal male nudity — as much a selling point for many theater buffs as Citizens Bank Park's Bull's BBQ is for Phillies fans. $30 and up, run ends June 19, Plays and Players Theatre, 1714 Delancey St., 215-985-0420, www.phillytheatreco.com. —NHM

SATURDAY, JUNE 11
Er'ybody gather at South Philly's Hawthorne Rec Center (12th and Carpenter sts.) for the sixth annual B-Boy BBQ, an all-day, all-ages event recognizing past and present b-boys/b-girls, graffiti artists, MCs and DJs. Adding to the live performances and painting exhibition this year is Beat Society, a platform allowing producers to birth a beat on the spot. With community women cooking up bangin' fish platters and a special section for the kids, B-B BBQ is a guaranteed family affair. Events, including documentaries and b-boy master classes start on June 9, www.bboy-bbq.com. —DD

Living hand to mouth doesn't have to mean living without art. Three reasons Art for the Cash Poor is really the only thing to do today. 1) It's free. That's right: music from five bands and a DJ, and all the browsing you can stand, sans charge. 2) It's cheap. Say you do have a few bucks burning a hole in your pocket and want to spend it on something pretty. Nothing here — with the work of more than 80 artists, the most ever for AFTCP — will be more than $150. 3) It's self-gratifying. You can leave a little of yourself behind for posterity at Picture Me, created by artist Leo Sewell, who will assemble whatever snapshots people bring of themselves into a community self-portrait. It's all about you today. 1 p.m.-8 p.m. (art sale 1 p.m.-6 p.m.), 400-500 Wood St., (between Vine and Callowhill sts.), 215-592-1310. Rain date: June 12. —LH

Be bold, take yourself and that Christmas guitar or banjo out for a free afternoon guitar and banjo lesson/jam with Patrick Costello, the author of The How and the Tao of Old Time Banjo, Book Of Five Strings and The How and the Tao of Folk Guitar. 2 p.m.-5 p.m., Barnes & Noble, 1901 Sproul Rd., Broomall, 610-353-3255. —MA

SUNDAY, JUNE 12
Organizers of the World's Greatest Yard Sale in York like to say visitors can find everything there, including the kitchen sink. The 600 to 700 vendors peddle goods from moose heads and tire rims to the usual junk packrats can't wait to unload — clothing, crafts, furniture and toys. One year, committee chairwoman Carol Savage came face to face with a caged boa constrictor someone had just purchased. The event raises about $60,000 annually after expenses for the American Cancer Society. 9 a.m.-4 p.m., York Expo Center, 334 Carlisle Ave., York, $2 per person, young children get in for free, www.yorkfair.org. —JP

At a track where a typical feature runs 50 laps, the 200-lap Enduro #2 at the Mahoning Valley Speedway is a test of driver skill and automotive integrity. Ain't nothin' says Sunday night like a good hometown roundie-roundie. Have yerself a heckuva time at what's "considered by many to be the fastest quarter-mile asphalt track in the country" watching Gremlins stalk Pintos for the big the $1,000 purse. Make a pit stop in Jim Thorpe to fuel up on homemade pierogies at the Sunrise Diner. Or hit the Pocono 500 at Pocono Raceway. Yeah, it's still drive fast, turn left — but Pocono features the oddest shape of any NASCAR Nextel Cup speedway. Leave it to the Alabamians in between to come up with the unique tri-oval-shaped Pocono Raceway. Fun Fact: Son-of-a-legend Kyle Petty reads Haruki Murakami … and you thought racing was just for rednecks. www.mahoningspeedway.com; www.poconoraceway.com. —CV

MONDAY, JUNE 13
Ben Franklin once said, "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy." For Philadelphia's finest, happy hour at the Good Dog is a family affair every day of the week after 5 p.m., when off-duty police and fire fighters can wrangle 20 percent discounts on food and beverages. With almost a dozen beers on tap, it beats the free crullers at Wawa. 224 S. 15th Street, 215-985-9600, www.gooddogbar.com. —NHM

TUESDAY, JUNE 14
Community supported agriculture (CSA) farms give us hope. Pay a yearly fee (around $300-$600) and you are treated weekly to delicious food grown on awesome local farms — not evil, corporate, hate-mongering farms where the spinach is likely to stab you when you're not looking. So today, join a CSA and eat healthy well into the fall. Take pride in what you eat and support people-minded farmers by visiting http://wsare.usu.edu/pub/index.cfm?sub=csa —NR

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15
It'd be easy to write Kimya Dawson off as some kind of silly folk freak show; she only knows a few chords and usually plays them wearing a skunk costume. But the ex-Moldy Peach writes sincere, activist-y sing-alongs that sizzle your brain and rock your heart. 7:30 p.m., $8, First Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., 866-468-7619, www.r5productions.com. —PR

THURSDAY, JUNE 16
In the mood to read Ulysses, but don't wanna be alone? Spare your eyes: Spend the day outside the Rosenbach Museum, where Philadelphia celebrities (including CP's own Lori Hill) perform passages from James Joyce's long, wonderful novel. These people can probably read the book faster and better than you can. And since this year's Bloomsday marks the 101st anniversary of Leopold Bloom's walk around Dublin, you can really clean up with the museum's handy "Bloomsday 101" crash course. Noon-7 p.m., www.rosenbach.org/programs/bloomsday.html. —TF

FRIDAY, JUNE 17
Lavender festivals are a dime a dozen in the south of France, but the Pennsylvania Lavender Festival, boasting "more lavender than ever!" is well worth a road trip. Take the field tour, breathe deep, squint your eyes and imagine yourself in Provence. Aromatherapists say lavender balances — soothing the excited and invigorating the weary. Learn how to cook, heal and craft with the stuff, or simply how to grow it yourself to make your home smell divine. Through June 19, $2, Willow Pond Farm, Fairfield, Pa., 717-642-6387, www.palavenderfestival.com. —MA

SATURDAY, JUNE 18
Revel in your Pennsylvanianism today. You see, it's "Celebrate Your State" day at the National Constitution Center. So what if they're not celebrating our state today. The monthly NCC event celebrates Arkansas, Kentucky, New Hampshire, Tennessee, Virginia and West Virginia with those states' signature foods, trivia, giveaway baskets, etc. Pennsy's doesn't come till December, but screw that. We say every day is Pa. day! So dig up those dorky facts and figures about ye olde commonweal you learned in middle school (here's a freebie: the state's highest point is Mt. Davis in Somerset County), then trot them out as obnoxiously as you can in front of everyone at Fifth and Arch. Represent for the Keystone, people. 11 a.m.-2 p.m., free, National Constitution Center, 525 Arch St., 215-409-6600, www.constitutioncenter.org. —LH

Jolly old murder is one way to cool down with the Arden Theatre Company's production of Stephen Sondheim's devilishly famous musical Sweeney Todd. Consider grabbing a pre-show dinner; when the Demon Barber of Fleet Street delves into retribution, Soylent Green-style, you will not leave hungry. The night of musical theater and meat pies is perfect for when the AC is on the fritz and you don't feel like sitting in the baby pool again. $24 and up, 40 N. Second St., 215-922-1122, www.ardentheatre.org. —NHM

SUNDAY, JUNE 19
Real Men Cook takes a defiant stance, upping the ante on the old quiche cliche. On Father's Day, Real Men Cook for Charity at the Navy Yard. Comedian Jonathan Slocumb is the host but the stars are local men, five of whom have had their recipes included in the just released Real Men Cook book. 3-6 p.m., $25, The Philadelphia Cruise Terminal Pier 1, 5100 S. Broad St., 215-924-6263, www.realmencook.com. —MA

Your "Float On" ringtone is not going to cut it. You need to see indie all-stars Modest Mouse go nuts while Isaac Brock screams "bury me with it!" 8:30 p.m., $24-$26 (June 18 date is sold out), Electric Factory, 421 N. Seventh St. —PR

You know you want to crash the Biotechnology Industry Organization's annual convention. It's like, what are they talking about in there? Pretend to be a scientist! Pose as a waiter! Act like a stem cell or something! Through June 22, Pennsylvania Convention Center, 1101 Arch St., www.bio.org/events/2005. —PR

MONDAY, JUNE 20
Tend to sleep through Sunday services? You know you do. Make up for it tonight or at any of the Monday Night Gospel Celebrations at Penn's Landing in June. Presented by Power 99 and WDAS AM/FM and featuring several of the tri-state area's best gospel choirs, these celebrations promise to redeem your sorry soul without that bothersome stink-eye over the collection plate. 7 p.m., Columbus Blvd. and Chestnut St. —GM

Even though you don't really care, you should still sign the petition to bring trolleys back to Girard Ave. The project was supposed to be done by now but it sorta derailed and the less schoolly parts of University City don't have a quaint, reliable means of getting around. www.phillytrolley.org. —PR

TUESDAY, JUNE 21
Build a skate park on every corner of the city and skaters are still gonna be tweaked about getting shut out of Love Park. Want proof? Stop by Nocturnal or Elite skate shops at noon for the kickoff of Wild in the Streets, skate company Emerica's "Free Love Park" event. Deck rats from up and down the Eastern seaboard will descend for a day of roving, Critical Mass-style "renegade skate jams" in the hopes of rescuing those sweet marble slabs for the only people who ever truly appreciated them. Noon-7 p.m., www.emericawildinthestreets.com. —BH

The story of Eva Peron and Argentina is one of the most celebrated stories of woman-country love. On the opening night of Evita at the Academy of Music, stroll down the Avenue of the Arts, stop in front of the magnificent building, belt out a heartfelt rendition of the chorus to "Don't cry for me, Argentina," then walk away as if nothing happened. 8 p.m., Academy of Music, Broad and Locust sts., 215-893-1999, www.academyofmusic.org. —HiH

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22
In her hometown of New Orleans, at age 9, she worked on her first campaign. Thirty years later, she took the Gore-Lieberman campaign farther than anyone thought possible. Donna Brazile knows politics. Her book, Cooking With Grease: Stirring the Pots in America, covers all that and everything in between, and she'll surely fire up her audience tonight at the National Constitution Center. 6:30 p.m., $6-$12, National Constitution Center, 525 Arch St., 215-409-6600, www.constitutioncenter.org. —LH

Nothing says success like not needing your old band. Mary Timony, ex-Helium frontwoman, and Ted Leo, ex-Chisel leader, are making the best music of their careers. 7:30 p.m., $12 in advance, $14 at the door, The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-LIVE, www.thetroc.com. —PR

THURSDAY, JUNE 23
Venture into the wilderness of Four Quarters (Central Pennsylvania) and celebrate the dance of life at the fourth annual Gaian Mind Summer Festival, where DJs from countries like France, New Zealand, Italy and Japan will fill the open air with the mind-altering love of Gaia. The outdoor psychedelic trance affair keeps churnin' until June 26, so bring camping gear and a tie-dye shirt, and watch trees transform into colorful hallucinations. $100 in advance, $125 at the gate, www.gaian-mind.com. —SO

When The Get Up Kids' Matt Pryor says goodnight, he'll mean goodbye. Following this tour, the Lawrence, Kan., emo godfathers (sounds weird, doesn't it?) are hanging it up after 10 years of girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-singing, Superchunk-riff-stealing, pure power-punk-pop. Which will leave today's teens with just many thousands of Kids-derivative bands to get relationship-weepy with. Take pictures to prove you were there. 8 p.m., $17.50, Electric Factory, Seventh and Callowhill sts., www.thegetupkids.com. —BH

FRIDAY, JUNE 24
Before the fall AIDS walk, the Art Museum steps and the shining stars set the scene for Dancin' In The Streets 3, an outdoor party to raise AIDS awareness. BEBASHI provides information on the epidemic and Squarebiz brings the entertainment, including DJ Rich Medina, Lady Alma and Ursula Rucker. Between the dancing, vendor shopping and live painting, BEBASHI will be offering free, rapid 20-minute HIV testing to all attendees. Knowledge is power. 6 p.m., free, Art Museum, 26th and The Parkway. —DD

Sleater-Kinney begged us not to steal their new album before it came out. Now The Woods is out and it's OK that we know all the words. 8 p.m., $15, all ages, The Trocadero, 1003 Arch St., 215-922-LIVE, www.thetroc.com. —PR

SATURDAY, JUNE 25
Watch brawling rock bands take sibling rivalry to an all new level when Australian and British terrors Jet and Oasis play Penn's Landing. See the Gallaghers fight over a sweater! Watch the Cesters kick one another's teeth in! Guaranteed to be a primadonna pissing contest and the perfect place to get smashed over the head with a beer bottle, it's binge alcoholism, petty bickering and band infighting the way record executives intended it. Who needs rock saviors when we've got drama queens? 7 p.m., sold out, Festival Pier at Penn's Landing, Columbus Blvd. and Spring Garden St., 215-922-2FUN. —AH

Illustration By: Jeffrey Bouchard

SATURDAY, JUNE 25
Searching for that rare 7-inch, vegan treats, a handmade fannypack or just a replacement safety pin for your ear/nose/pants/messenger bag? Find all this and more at the Punk Rock Flea Market, where tables strewn with music, books, skateboards and everything in between will delight and tantalize. Proceeds from the $3 entry fee support R5 Productions and live music. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., First Unitarian Church, 2125 Chestnut St., www.r5productions.com. --JD

SUNDAY, JUNE 26
When the Fightins' opened their new ballpark back in 2004, fans dreamed of World Series trophies. The park would generate money which, in turn, would generate a competitive roster. Well, it don't take long for dreams to die. The team? Living up to expectations befitting the losingest franchise in American professional-sports history. The roster? Try to find three likeable players not named Chase or Jimmy. The park? A little more crowded than the end-stage Vet. But for one weekend, with the help of a scalper, you can get a taste of real baseball — winning baseball! — when the long-time-losers-turned-champs Boston Red Sox amble into a sold-out ballpark for a weekend series starting on June 24. And when the Phils get swept, you can start the countdown: 78 days till Eagles season. 1:35 p.m., Citizens Bank Park, 1 Citizens Bank Way, www.phillies.com. —H

MONDAY, JUNE 27
You really ought to go see the re-illuminated Boathouse Row. As you may recall, last year the powers that worry about the little things hit the off switch so they could trade those classy white bulbs for tacky, colorful, environmentally whatever lights. Apparently the delicate art of climbing ladders and stringing X-mas lights is so crazy, so full of unpredictable variables, that the people in charge of the project can't tell you when it will be over. Their best guess is "late June." We here at CP cannot live with that kind of uncertainty, so we're laying it down: Have it done by June 27 (we had a hole in our calendar) or we're coming over there with our 1,000-watt Frostys and a Lite Brite. —PR

Illustration By: Jeffrey Bouchard

TUESDAY, JUNE 28
The much-anticipated Adventure Aquarium is home to 20 tuxedoed penguins. The well-dressed inhabitants also happen to be the fastest swimming bird, a trait visitors can witness for themselves through the underwater viewing window. Watch staff biologists feed the penguins with capelin, squid, trout and herring twice a day. And in the interest of being less car-dependent, take the ferry across the Delaware and save yourself parking fees and traffic woes. 1 Riverside Dr., Camden, 800-616-JAWS, www.adventureaquarium.com. --HiH

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 29
Though it seems unfair, school administrators are often busier over the summer than during the school year. See if you can volunteer at a neighborhood school office and help file, organize or clean during the week. A morning without grunt work can free up staffers to tackle the countless tasks they had no time for during the school year. And hey, you might even get a gold-star sticker out of it. —GM

THURSDAY, JUNE 30
While the majority of hip-hop events in the city cater to DJs and MCs, The Rotunda's The Gathering dedicates the last Thursday of every month to the b-boys/b-girls who just want to dance. DJ Skeme of Sesion 31 spins raw break beats while kids as little as 10 and big as 30 bust power moves to the voices of their challengers hyping them up. Sure, the other elements are touched on, but this night belongs to the breakers. 10 p.m.-2 a.m., free, all ages, The Rotunda, 4014 Walnut St., 215-573-3234. —DD

MA: Mary Armstrong
MB: Margaret Battistelli
JB: Justin Bauer
JD: Jesse Delaney
DD: Deesha Dyer
TF: Tami Fertig
AH: Ashlea Halpern
H: Brian Hickey
LH: Lori Hill
BH: Brian Howard
HiH: Helen i-lin Hwang
DK: Deni Kasrel

NHM: Natalie Hope McDonald
GM: Gabrielle Mosquera
SO: Sean O'Neal
TP: Trey Popp
JP: Jenna Portnoy
NR: Neal Ramirez
PR: Patrick Rapa
KS: Kate Salute
JS: James Saul
DS: Duane Swierczynski
CV: Char Vandermeer
JV: John Vettese

What's your idea of summer fun?

"Sunday Night at the Five Spot. It's drag night. It's fun because you see all the drag queens and down-low people. But you don't know who you're gonna see, really. You might see someone from the neighborhood and be like, damn, what are they doing here? You go inside and it's dark and everybody looks like regular people. But then a song comes on and the lights flash and you see they're not regular people. There might be some guy in a normal shirt and normal hat but then a hot song comes on and he's out there dancing like a girl. In there, the clocks strikes 12 and everybody turns into very different people."
--Mimi, owner of Hi Performance Escort Service

"The FDR Golf Club at 20th and Pattison: driving range, putting green and an 18-hole golf course. For 12 bucks they give you a large bucket of balls. It fucking rocks. Only thing is, they don't have a liquor license yet, so bring a flask."
--Casey Wayne, lead singer of Welcome to My Face