icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

I can talk about the brilliance of Ferpect Crime and Oldboy or the gristle behind After Innocence and Lipstick & Dynamite. But what the Philadelphia Film Fest really offered was a chance to get far-the-fuck-away from the escapades of thick-necked politicos (Dem mayoral-maybe John Dougherty getting Bart Blatstein's blessing is like Darth Vader getting sucked off by Satan), Aqua-Netted newscasters (Philly's PoweR Girl, Cecily Tynan, will fuck and marry your husband then leave messages on your machine for YOU to change the channel) and douchey sports dudes. Hearing Fest-guest Malcolm McDowell, speaking via cell phone on a sunny Saturday, rip on the flying cocks of Caligula ("I had to call actresses I knew and tell them they didn't want the gig — all that sodomy"), the word "cunt," and maybe shooting his next film, Secrets of Love, in Philly with his Evilenko director David Grieco ("It'd be nice to be here. This week was so surprisingly filled with young people who knew every word of Clockwork Orange") was a roight treat. … WHOWHATWHERE: Michael Smerconish (1210 AM) hung at Moby's Electric Factory show. That's what he claimed on air Monday while dissing my Moby slam in the Inky. "Listen big guy, I was there and Moby was stellar," one listener heard him saying. Bald fuckers! If Moby knew Smerconish had his back, the vegan'd start blowing bulls. Georges Perrier not only had Le Bec-Fin's 35th anniversary with drop-ins from Monique Braxton and Sharon Pinkenson, but Deputy City Representative Bonnie Grant brought a proclamation naming April 12 Perrier Day. Hey! Where's my day? John Legend hung nearly alone at Walnut Room, a venue we hear is getting promo-man Michael Jackson involved. Jackson, when not busy with a rumored film project involving 76ers boss Billy King and U.S. Realty's David Grasso, is doing Walnut's Executive, a Thursday happy hour for men in ties. Sounds gay. I like it. … OPENINGS: Speaking of tie-bars, Young Professional Events' partyballers Garrett Wilson and Mark "the Dentist" Simeone bought L'Hexagone at 17th and Sansom. "The Frenchies sold because they wanted out of Philly," says Simeone, who's more than pleased he no longer needs to run his event ideas past bar owners. Look for their first hang April 23. Meanwhile, Dive — formerly Low on Passyunk — gets its third-floor billiard space; it's "an alternative to 12 Steps Down's meatheads and chicks who wear tube tops in December," says Dive frequenter/pool shark Camille Escobedo of Beretta 76. It's bad enough the South Third Street address that used to house Revival was sex-drugs-goth-central. But now this: On April 22, that spot will become Dead Fred's, a "complex" that'll be equal parts sports bar, Tony Luke's eatery and tropical dance space Niki Mangos. At least with Cozmic Cat, Robbie Tronco and Dozia spinning Mangos' opening weekend, there's some hope for owners Kevin Callanan and Fred Rabena. My atsa'-nize Ninth Street neighbors at DiBruno's get ready to open their mega-cheeserie/dining boite at 1730 Chestnut St. (in another week), right next to Wayne Schulick's new Smith Bros. jeanerie, opening April 22. "My store's so badass, it could be a lounge," says Schulick, who owns Denim and a designer pizza joint, Fresca, which opens on Walnut in two weeks. Then there's 20th Street's dark, sexy Medusa, which is reopening April 21 under new owner Porsche Morales, a Trinidadian Temple U grad. Go Owls. We hear she's making her speakeasy coolly uneasy with some new designer swatches. Me like. … Weeks back, art collective Family of Shame (Psydde Delicious, Rich Wexler, Needles Jones, M. Scott Whitson, Abbie Rhoad, Dallas Powel, Kevin Simons) filmed and interviewed habitues of La Tazza while getting them way drunk. On April 25, those folks and that footage — inebriated interviews, a few flying genitals — will be displayed at Bar Noir. "Be ashamed," says Delicious. … Mikronesia of Robots in Disguise has found his "new experimental project to replace Robots," starting with his Floor Music Series' Gemini Wolf show at Rocket Cat in Fishtown April 23. "Think if Joni Mitchell and Brian Eno had a band," says Mikronesia of da Wolf. … One day everyone in Philly will either be on The O.C. (Audible's "Sound Makes a Circle" will be in the April 21 episode) or work for Electric Factory (former Miller High Life rep Daniel "Jersey Dan" Bisogno). … No sooner than Kevin Meeker's hit Jersey boite, Cork, lost one big chef, it's gained another: Sae An, late of Twenty Manning. … Photographer Zoe Strauss got arrested by University of Pennsylvania police, charged with defiant trespass, when they caught her photographing the demolition of the Civic Center from inside its warning gates. "It was a full arrest: frisking, handcuffs, court … by privately employed public service? Soon there'll be Halliburton forces," says Strauss, who has yet to file her plea. Look for those photos in her May 1 show, "Under I-95," "a little north of Snyder Avenue."