icepack

by A.D. Amorosi

Modern Life Sickens Us. That was the horrifyingly existential headline on www.philly.com's gray Monday morn, stuck between the dread of nor'easters and a mummified Clint Eastwood. Fuuuuck. I don't need help feeling nihilistic and soulless this time of year. Your friends croak, you watch elder media associates die (RIP Mark The Shark Drucker) or retire (Shelia Allen-Stephens) and all you're left with is ass-kissing bloggers and deathly headlines. As if forgetting momentarily that Y100-FM had gone the way of the Dinosaur (Jr.) and hearing Brian McKnight (and not Goldfinger) wasn't weirdly freakish enough? Whether or not you dug Y100, you'll miss it. Though I dare say between getting dropped by his old band, Cordalene, and now Radio One, ex-program director Jim McGuinn should be going on a deserved killing spree any sec. Think hearing that PNI is rumored to be dumping the Daily News in favor of a freebie tabloid makes me happy? Can it be any more sucky 'n' tabloid-y than it is now? Think knowing Philadelphia Gay News publisher Mark Segal had written his last "Mark My Words" column for a while to devote time to producing Elton John's July 4 Freedom Ball (heh) didn't bring me down? All that self-serving smarminess must take a lot out of a guy. Oh, the decay. … Speaking of gloom, while one rumor has Patrick Rodgers' goodly gothic Dancing Ferret label signing Philly's own Carfax Abbey, you'll really see dead people if this next rumor's true: Can producer Rick Chertoff be starting a heavily funded label whose first act would be his former charges — '80s ladies the Hooters — currently recording a new CD in Rob Hyman's Conshohocken studio? Would Steve Mountain still be managing? Should I pull out my Nu Nile and asymmetrical shirts now? … While planning Boyds men's store grand re-opening party for April with its new partners Govberg and Georges Perrier (with sponsors Hugo Boss and Esquire mag too?), PR maven Nicole Cashman and Associates made two big moves: relocating Philly offices to North Hancock Street in Northern Liberties and taking up Manhattan digs on Clarkson Street in the West Village. … Facelifts: After months of going halvsies with now-former owners Bruce Grossman and Jay Ellis, Tribecca's unholy troika of new owners — collectively known only as Marcello/Tommy/Ceasar — closed the after-hours joint for weeks' worth of renovations. Now's a perfect time to dig to see where the bodies are buried. PS: The Union League preps now for its $30 million redo to be wrapped by the end of this year (I dare not imagine they'll make like Tribecca and get Hijinx Hand Crafted Implements to custom build them rope bondage racks); the swank, kitschy Walnut Room at 1709 Walnut St. (owned by former N. 3rd manager Joe Beckham and Giancarlo DiPasquale) gets poppin'-fresh March 3; and the wrapping is officially off Kensington's South Forum communal art space at North Second Street. … Is comic/Chapin's Kids sketch artist Russell Brand that fucking funny that he's starting two monthly showcases — every second Tuesday at World Café Live starting March 8 and every third Monday at Bar Noir starting March 21? … And now, fat back: The Smoked Joint goes "Rock-n-Roll Barbeque Karaoke & Revue" every Tuesday. Is Russell Brand hosting this, too? Cooking at it? Fucker. … WHOWHATWHERE: After dirty Dave Pianka's buddy Carlos D and Interpol pussied out of their Electric Factory show Monday, Pianka will hang with Scottish Optimo spinners Jonnie Wilkes and Twitch — they of the new genre-fucking, speed-mixing classic How to Kill the DJ Party 2 — at Silk City, March 4, sure to be a boozey, bloody mess. Weirdly wigged, high-pitched singer Antony hung at Cabaret Melange's World Café Live debut after his own showcase there. Malcolm McDowell is yet another schtar to keep your eyes peeled for when TLA's Film Fest rolls into town in April. And La Tazza's hosting an expatriate parade: Everyone's fave drug buddy Gregg Foreman (now in Miami) and Chicago-dwelling Ralph "Major Taylor" Darden spin at LaTazza's "Straight Outta Rehab" party March 4, then one of my very favorite humans, Palmyra Delran, (ex-Friggs and Pink Slip Daddy) brings her Booty Olympics down from Brooklyn to the 'Tazz, March 5, with Jukebox Zeros and Helen Back. … Speaking of new jobs, www.songspot.org booking dude Joey Mahoney is taking over Abilene's full time and was hired by Heyday to book Pontiac Grille. His first show? Evil Jared from Bloodhound Gang's new smelly band, Bloodphart, who, along with BHG's Jimmy Pop's Southern (c)rock discovery, Isabelle's Gift, take over Pontiac (as will their usual Viva La Bam fan base) March 3. … End on a high note: Happy b-day to Megan Wendell whose Method and Result plays with Moqita March 19 at North Star; to WHYY's Amy Salit whose annual bash was a smash at the Turf Club; and to Scott "Chubb Rock" Chestnut at After Hours Hair.