Meet is Murder

by Cory Frolik

Not two hours into Mix 95.7's Valentine's Day dating event "Mile of Meet," I clutched my reporter's notebook like a security blankie. They think you're just reporting, I kept reminding myself, the chickies can't prove you're not.

This year was the fourth installment of an event that makes the assumption that women love shopping so much they'd enjoy doing it to find a mate. Men lined up in a banquet hall in the Manayunk Brewery and Restaurant wearing numbers that women would write down if they felt we passed inspection. The curious ladies could then go to a table to consult profiles we'd filled out earlier to help them decide if they were interested in furthering this ritualistic dance.

Jeff Devitt, a Drexel Hill resident assigned the number 36, said, "At least here, you know you're not wasting time when the girl's not interested." Devitt has been to other similar corruptions of the matchmaking game. He says Mix 95's version is stronger, since people actually show up. (At one Y100 event, Devitt was the only target.)

While having a turnout is a plus, it proved too much in Manayunk. Since the event was moved indoors due to rain, with 120 preregistered participants and many more walk-ins, things got cramped.

Karen Closkey, a young missy on the prowl, said she thought they should have distributed binders with the boys' background info. She felt it was too packed to try and shove her way over to research anyone (even a cute journalist).

It didn't matter much. Even with the fact-checking, things went predictably.

The few of us not engaged in conversation with women were the same people who are never engaged in conversation with women. It was me, a couple of balding men, a few foreigners and a kid who'd have first dibs on the role of Milhouse in any live-action Simpsons movie.

The handful of us, the ones always picked last for kickball and now lastly picked for romance, stood to the side watching people like Dino Fazino lasso them in. Fazino is a Marstown, Pa., native whose profile was most frequently summoned for perusal. Dressed in a full suit, Fazino said, "It's different for us guys, 'cause we're the hunted."

He said this as if to include me in his fancy club of sought-afters. Sadly, the one person who talked to me did so just to squeeze out facts about my roommate (also in attendance).

It was all I could stand, this fanged monster that is rejection. So I broke out my reporter's notebook; I was there on assignment.