Six Feet Under

A look back at the top five buried news stories of 2004.

by Shaun Brady

America. Another year older and deeper in debt. Looking back on the news of the year, one thing becomes clear: We'd all rather not look back on the news of the year. In with the Dean Scream, out with a killer tsunami, sandwiched around that disgrace-on-many-levels election, this was one trip around the sun that fully justified a little New Year's bingeing. But as Scott Peterson and Janet Jackson march toward the history books, a number of stories more deserving of attention fell through the cracks. Below, in chronological order, are five stories you may have missed this year, where they surfaced (or at least where they caught our attention), how deep they were buried, how verifiable they seem (some stories get ignored for a reason), and who benefited and suffered most by their burial.

1. "Poisoned?" April 4, New York Daily News
THE STORY: Several Army National Guard soldiers returned from Iraq in poor health, showing evidence of being "contaminated with radiation likely caused by dust from depleted uranium shells fired by U.S. troops."
HOW DEEP? The specific incidence cited by the Daily News was treated as a local story, as the tested soldiers are all New Yorkers. There didn't appear to be any major coverage of specific contamination or testing. In August 2003, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported that many battle sites in Iraq are contaminated with abnormally high radiation levels, but that there is ongoing debate over any health risks involved. ("Debate" here seems to translate roughly as Pentagon officials pointing off into the distance and running away when everyone turns to look.)
HOW TRUE? The Daily News funded testing of the soldiers themselves, albeit by a doctor described as a "a leading critic of the use of depleted uranium in warfare." The U.N. issued warnings after finding evidence of contamination in two Uranium Medical Research Centre investigators in Iraq, who were apparently using the "human guinea pig" method of detection. In its own list of under-reported stories, www.projectcensored.org cites the UMRC's findings that civilian populations in Iraq and Afghanistan show significant contamination.
WINNER: The lack of reporting would seem to benefit Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, though no amount of negative press seems to actually hurt the man, at least in his boss's eyes.
LOSER: Tokyo. When living things get contaminated by radiation, Tokyo inevitably suffers.

2. "Ford's New Bulletproof Luxury Car,"
April 14, CBS News
THE STORY: Ford introduces the Lincoln BPS (Ballistic Protection Series), an armored Lincoln Town Car complete with ceramic-and-steel-reinforced doors and 1.5-inch thick windows. Perfect for the paranoid CEO, celebrity or fabulously wealthy eccentric with a persecution complex.
HOW DEEP? The story was mainly carried by gearhead mags like Car & Driver; it did surface in some of the majors, though buried in the business section and treated as a novelty rather than as further evidence that the lowest-earning third of the population will eventually be rounded up and herded into special camps.
HOW TRUE? Absolutely true. CBS quotes Ford's head of security, a former Secret Service agent, bodyguard to the company president, and apparently the best toady ever.
WINNER: Hard-working execs who pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and know how devious those groveling peasants can be.
LOSER: Hard-working schlubs who'd really like to stick it to those greedy fat cats wallowing in their bathtubs full of money.

3. "Three Die In Saudi Shop Stampede," Sept. 1, BBC News
THE STORY: Three men were killed when more than 8,000 shoppers rushed into a Saudi Arabia IKEA that was handing out $150 vouchers.
HOW DEEP? Carried largely by U.K. and Arab news sources, Stateside coverage included just a few mid-market dailies and a Fox News online wire story.
HOW TRUE? No reason to doubt it.
WINNER: IKEA, of course, which will continue to be recognized for the slow death of the soul that comes from trudging in endless circles through its cavernous stores rather than the sudden, violent death of being trampled underfoot.
LOSER: Those poor, dead Saudis, who will never know the joy of making the lifestyle choice that is cookie-cutter Scandinavian furniture.

4. "FDA Approves Use Of Implantable Data Chip," Oct. 13, USA Today
THE STORY: The Food and Drug Administration gave the green light to VeriChip, a computer chip the size of a grain of rice that can be implanted into humans. The stated function is to provide access to patients' medical records, though the chips are also being used in other countries for security, entry to nightclubs and the onset of Armageddon as outlined in Revelations.
HOW DEEP? Actually, the story was fairly widely reported, but often ended up in papers' technology or business sections. USA Today's story was in the "Money" section online.
HOW TRUE? 100 per-Orwellian-cent.
WINNER: Jesus. The time is coming, baby!
LOSER: That guy in the dirty trenchcoat who hangs out at the bus station ranting about the CIA chip in his scalp. He's totally gonna have to get a new gimmick.

5. "Fallujah Napalmed," Nov. 28, Sunday Mirror, U.K.
THE STORY: U.S. troops secretly used napalm against insurgents in and around Fallujah. British Labour MPs were outraged, demanding that Tony Blair appear before Commons to explain whether he was aware the deadly gas concoction was being used. Napalm was banned by a 1980 U.N. convention, which wasn't ratified by the treaty-phobic U.S.
HOW DEEP? This almost exclusively turned up in British sources and Al-Jazeera, as well as the expected slew of lefty blogs and alternative news sites.
HOW TRUE? According to www.globalsecurity.org, the Pentagon initially denied the reports, but after Marines returning from Iraq reported using "firebombs," the Pentagon admitted using a weapon similar to napalm which "caused less environmental damage." But presumably just as much flesh-melting-off-your-body-while-you-run-around-screaming-and-flailing-your-arms damage.
WINNER: "Teflon Don" Rumsfeld again. Fun Fact: The DefSec has never uttered the phrase, "If this gets out, it'll ruin me!" though he has been known to cackle maniacally late into the night while drinking the blood of children from a golden chalice. Look it up!
LOSER: Aging metal band Napalm Death, who have failed to attract the same media spotlight that so benefited Anthrax in late 2001.