November 25-December 1, 2004

the bell curve

The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Driverless trash truck goes two blocks, crashes into fountain at Logan Circle. Looks like Fairmount will have to bathe elsewhere.
Minus 1

Members of West Philly animal rights group Hugs for Puppies face up to 18 months in jail for continued protests of executives of local companies that use animal testing. The group points out that the same execs had no objection when Jugs for Yuppies did the same thing.
Minus 6

Daily News reporters sneak into Hahnemann to prove security has not improved since recent attacks. Head of hospital security thanks The Slashmeister, makes tourniquet.
Minus 2

City will spend $75 million over the next year to create "classrooms of the future" with libraries and computers. Don't you mean "classrooms of the present?"
Plus 3

Unexplained stench wafts over the city for a few hours. "Whoever smelt it, dealt it," taunts Camden.
Minus 1

Proposed "Verizon Bill" in Harrisburg could prevent Mayor Street from realizing his plans for a wireless city. Are stupid.
Minus 1

City to lay off 500 workers. In fact, they started with the trash truck drivers.
Minus 9

Study names Camden most dangerous city in the U.S. Which is a conclusion pieced together from the testimonies of the surviving researchers.
Minus 4

Unidentified benefactor donates money to save Isaiah Zagar's South Street sculpture garden. Whew, we almost had to walk around the corner to see like little pieces of tile glued to a wall and shit.
Plus 2

Total pluses: 5
Total minuses: 24
This week's total: -19
Last week's total: -7