July 22-28, 2004

the bell curve

The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Workers scramble to build showroom furniture before Columbus Boulevard IKEA grand opening on Aug. 25. "We don't include any fucking tools? And why are there no words in these instructions???" workers heard screaming. "For the love of God, what the fuck is a Nyg…rd?!?"
Plus 5

An iguana named Chips, who visited schools and nursing homes as part of an outreach program, is stolen from the Philadelphia Zoo. Also missing: a snake named Salsa.
Minus 2

Daily News' Riot Grrrl attends John Kerry's NAACP speech, says protest action outside Convention Center was "weak." And the protesters were all like, "Cumbia." So Riot Grrrl was like, "whatever," and stomped her foot on the ground.
Minus 2

Mann Music Center to undergo $28 million renovation project that will, among other things, expand the top-of-the-hill promenade. James Taylor's concerts in 2010 sell out in 20 minutes.
Plus 4

A former Provisional Irish Republican Army member detained at Philly International this month on his way to a wedding will be permitted to return home. At his departure, Immigration and Customs will be permitted to kiss his arse.
Plus 2

David Boreanaz, son of Action News weatherman Dave Roberts, stars in PETA's "Be Your Dog's Angel" ad campaign. Dear David: Buffy is weak! You should be with me!! XOXO, Riot Grrrl. P.S. I love dogs too!!!
Plus 2

Longtime Sixer Eric Snow traded to Cleveland.
Minus 6

Total pluses: 13
Total minuses: 10
This week's total: 3
Last week's total: -2