Fit to be Tie-d

Photo By: Michael T. Regan

by Howard Altman

I am not much of an accessories guy.

I own no baubles or bangles. I wear no jingly jangles. Other than the gold band on the ring finger of my left hand, I go about my life unadorned.

Except when it comes to ties.

I am crazy for cravats.

Bright ones. Gaudy ones. Silk, linen and polyester.

To me, ties are much more than just pieces of material that are good for keeping soup off an expensive suit, not that I ever wear any and even though many is the time that a poor tie interceded between my food and my outergarments.

To me, the beloved cravat is also more than just a well-matching article of clothing (often because it isn't). It is a statement, akin to the tie's original purpose when it was designed in the 17th century by Croatian soldiers fighting in the Thirty Years War.

According to the Web site Academia Cravatica (www.academia-cravatica.hr/en), back then the Croats, wanting to distinguish themselves from the enemy Turks, wrapped scarves around their necks.

Though I battle neither Turk nor Croat, I have no shortage of occasion to use my tie to speak my state of mind.

When I was deposed by Dick Sprague, who sued me on behalf of Vinny Fumo, I wore my Francis Scott Key tie depicting the bombs bursting in air.

The message?

I may be under attack, but in the morning, the paper and I will still be there.

Often, be it a meeting with a particularly cantankerous politician or someone with an ego the size of Idaho, I like to wear my Bugs Bunny tie.

Bugs, after all, is my hero, the wisecracking wiseass whose goal in life was to puncture pomposity and fight for the underdog.

Sporting the Bugs tie allows me to voice, without speaking, his "What's Up, Doc?" 'tude.

Likewise, I wear my $100 bill tie to fundraisers, many religious affairs and meetings with the mayor -- events where, ultimately, it really is all about the Benjamins.

Some of my ties have a limited window of opportunity.

I would not, for instance, wear my Nicole Miller Hanukkah tie to a Holy Communion or Eid al-Fitr celebration.

The only trouble with distinctive ties is that by their very distinction, they are memorable, thus, to the discerning eye, repetitive.

I like to wear my Starry Night tie, featuring a section of van Gogh's famous bluesy painting, to starry-night occasions, such as opening-night parties and the like.

Perhaps too much.

Which means that I am probably in the market for some new ties.

Think about that the next time Editor's Day rolls around.