February 19-25, 2004

the bell curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Comcast's bid to take over Disney is rejected. Michael Eisner waited in his office from 9 a.m. to noon and from 1 to 5 p.m. for the contracts to arrive, but nobody showed. Even

Three police officers are hurt trying to break up a lunchroom fight among four girls at Olney High. Cops assigned to Goretti sigh in relief, then continue to quake in their bulletproof vests. Minus 3

Prostitutes' untidy behavior and lascivious public displays are an increasing problem, says Daily News. Their solution? A new columnist named Kensington Avenue Serial Killer. Minus 1

Report issued by city says Street's anti-blight initiative has been a success. Also, the pot roast we made last night was "very nice" according to a report issued by our mother. Even

SEPTA general manager Faye Moore and president of Transport Workers Union Local 234 Jean Alexander hug at the start of labor negotiations. Later, Moore can't find her wallet. Plus 4

After a censor at WYSP edits Howard Stern's airing of a potty-training tape, the DJ says he'll quit unless the censor is fired. "Ethically speaking," says Stern, "this guy should be replaced by a semi-retarded midget porn star who can fart my name." Minus 2

Councilman Frank DiCicco calls for hearings on whether the city needs public toilets. Only then will we be able to tell the Fringe performance artists from the people just doing the pee-pee dance. Plus 5

The Phillie Phanatic's missing head is returned. Good. It just wasn't the same seeing a regular guy with a fuzzy green gut dry-humping a senior citizen. Plus 7

Total pluses: 16

Total minuses: 6

Score for the week: 10

Last week's score: -14

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