October 30-November 5, 2003

cover story

Everything we love and hate about life in the big city.

Going to the dogs: (L-R) Oh So Pretty’s award- winning groomers Tina Grello and Carlin Shafer and some of their canine friends hang out at The Fire, winner of an award for its atmosphere and an admonishment for its decor. Photo By: Michael T. Regan

Best Professional Athlete You've Never Heard Of

Textile-grad Peter Pappas fends off 80-mph soccer-ball rockets for a living. One of two players with the Philadelphia Kixx since their 1996 inception, the five-time all-star was once named Major Indoor Soccer League Co-Goalkeeper of the Year. He also helped lead the team to the MISL crown in May 2002. Still, Pappas has thrived in near oblivion. (It is indoor soccer, after all.) Attendance averaged 5,000 last season and there's little media coverage or TV time. I'd love to see 10,000 a game. I don't know why we don't [draw bigger crowds], says Pappas, 31, a Toronto native who's married and has a 20-month-old son, Luka. Asked how long he plans to continue, he responds, Physically, I could play for a long time, but I do have a family to take care of.--BH

Best New Source of Hip Housewares Almost Too Beautiful to Use

Jean-Jacques in Mt. Airy offers discerningly chosen contemporary functional art. From multi-hued artisanal ceramics to sleek bicycle bells, it's a great source of gifts and objects to spiff up your life. Charming owners Jean-Jacques Giret and Owen Peery bring a wealth of contacts and experience in California to their choice of wares, like the beautiful fused glass trays by Jane Tivol (featured this year at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art). Giret and Peery usually spin world-music CDs, which they also sell. --DS

7118 Germantown Ave., 215-242-5440.

Most Desired VIP Spots in Town

Though 32° and Denim have designated prestige corners, 2003’s seen improvisational sit-where-you-want locations for celebs: the back booths at The Palm (good for politicos and news dudes), the farther-est corner at Bar Noir (happening for film cognoscenti and their crews), unofficial VIP riser-rooms at Delilah’s and Whiskey Dix (for Marilyn Manson, Ozzfest folk). And welcome to Angelina and Red Sky -- both of whom, in their first weeks, made their banquettes and mezzanine, respectively, instantly star-shiny for Nic Cage and Jamie Kennedy.--ADA

The Palm, 200 S. Broad St., 215-546-7256; Bar Noir, 112 S. 18th St., 215-569-9333; Delilah's, 100 Spring Garden St., 215-625-2800; Whiskey Dix, 421 N. Seventh St., 215-923-2192; Angelina, 706 Chestnut St., 215-925-6889; Red Sky, 224 Market St., 215-925-8080.

Best Surreal Radio Theater

WIP host Big Daddy Graham's Mid-Show Snack. When insomnia's got me in a wide-eyed death grip, I turn to sports talk. Nothing sprinkles a little sand like the looped grumblings of frustrated Philly sports fans. But now, to my dismay, WIP overnight host Big Daddy Graham has given me something to look forward to. Each weekday evening at 3 a.m. he enjoys a snack -- Big Kats, Lemon Juniors, black-and-white cookies, malted balls and the like -- live on the air. Backed by flute-y music, and undertaken with childlike zeal, Graham's live-on-the-mic noshing is oddly engrossing … and another conspirator in my losing battle with sleep. --BHo

Most Successful Back-Stabbing Coach (a.k.a. The Larry Brown Award)

When it comes to stabbing in the name of sport -- in the front, of course, as the back's not really fair play -- one local reigns supreme: Dave Micahnik, coach of the University of Pennsylvania's fencing teams. En garde-ing his way to 19 Ivy League titles during a 29-year coaching tenure, Micahnik's squads (he coaches both guys and gals) have posted just one losing season. He's coached five NCAA champions and 41 All-Americans and still competes to this day, having won silver in Veteran-60 epee brawls in 2000 and 2001. --BH

Best Close Encounters with Tortoises

Hike or bike a mile or two up the Manayunk Canal Tow Path on a sunny day and soon city noises drop away and you see sunning tortoises on outcroppings (and the occasional furry critter in the woods). Still within the city limits, you almost feel like you've gone rural. And it's not too far back to Manayunk for some great water ice, either. --DS

Most Missed Dood

Remember erstwhile CP copy editor Rick V. ? He knew everybody. He used to rock the Pen & Pencil Club and skate around Philly (that was him flipping the bird from Love Park in the City Paper a year or so back). He'd be all like, Punch me in the face, Brian, -- cuz he was weird like that -- and say dood! a lot. He'd IM us all from his freaking phone. He'd also correct our crap grammar. Then he up and moved to Cambodia. Cambodia! Rick, what's Phnom Phen got that Philly don't? Man, come back, if just to say hi. Dood? Please? --BHo

Best Place to Get Your Ass Kicked Repeatedly

There's nothing quite like swiveling your torso while holding a 10-pound medicine ball until your obliques twist into hardened knots, or, say, doing squats until your thighs grow rubbery and twitchy. These are the unique joys of working out with a trainer, and Maxercise, an unpretentious little gym with a well-known martial arts program, has a team of encouraging experts who take your bodily development as personally as someone who is paid to watch you struggle and sweat can. --EL

707 Chestnut St., 215-928-1374.

Best Team

Listen to WIP long enough and you'll undoubtedly hear the Four Commandments of Philadelphia sports. The Eagles, Phillies, Flyers and Sixers all suck. But one team you'll never hear that about is the Temple University women's volleyball team. Because, quite frankly, they don't. In a city of losers, they've thrived as others wallowed. Though off to a mediocre start this year, the team spiked its way to the first two NCAA tournament wins in program history last year and won the Atlantic 10 title for the fourth time in six seasons. --BH

Best Place to Get Felt Up

Whether you have reduction, lifting or exaggerating needs, you can rest assured there is a bra out there for you: The good people at Touchables will help you find it and help you realize your true mammalian potential. --EL

Most Revived Makeup Counter Miraculously, even as dozens of Lord and Taylors around the country have been shuttered, our own store has taken the aspirational escalator to upscale. Nowhere is this more apparent than at the makeup counters, where the Estées and Cliniques have widened to include Nars and Bobbi Brown. It’s the kind of department-store fairy tale that can make a mannequin turn into a human and fall in love with Andrew McCarthy. --EL 1300 Market St., 215-241-9000. Photo By Michael T. Regan

4309 Main St., 215-487-7988.

Best-Dressed Pharmacist

You've got to hand it to scenester/pharmacist Peter DelloBuono. Like any good metrosexual, DelloBuono is meticulous in his up-to-date choice of suits (loves Helmut Lang), Italian shoes and other accessories. Bravo. --ADA

Most Frustrating Drugstore Experience

Actually, most of the major chain drugstores in town are understaffed and overpopulated by customers, but the Rite Aid at 17th and Chestnut sts. , where a well-meaning patron can wait for a half-hour to buy a pack of gum, may very well be part of a brilliant corporate strategy to inspire ever greater numbers of Advil and antacid sales. --EL

Most Gorgeously Diagonal Avenue

When I moved to Philly, I thought Passyunk Avenue was just a little street that started between Fourth and Fifth on South. Over the years, though, the great trans-South Philly artery has shown me it's great to get off the grid. It's got the Royal Tavern and the Melrose and the Ack-uh-me. It's got Pat's and Geno's and that east-of-Broad stretch with the quaint storefronts. It's got that bizarre King of Jeans sign, and if you take it south to where it turns into Essington, it's got the Auto Mall. Now that I live on it, I'm getting myself a Passyunk Neighborhoodie. Passyunk represent. --BHo

Best Place to Get a Marc Bolan Haircut While Listening to "Electric Warrior"

Twist, the new salon run by former Chop Shop hairstress (and lead Undergirl) Amy DiCamillo, is glam through and through, from the David Bowie albums in the window to the silver glitter and rock posters all over the walls. (Bolan's ringletted mop, for easy reference, is on Twist's technicolored business cards.) DiCamillo's not only a master stylist, she's sweet and engaging -- making your transformation from the everyday you into the rock-star version all the more effortless. --MJ

526 Bainbridge St., 215-922-3060.

Best Jack-in-the-Box Dummy

If only we could stick President George Bush in a toy box and make him pop out only when we want him to, the world might be a safer place. Alas, we just have to settle for a puppet in his likeness, including his dumb expression, that surprises us when we wind the side of Xenos' jack-in-the-box. The outside inscription reads Hail to the Chief, which is also the song you hear as you wait for him to appear. Or perhaps you can choose to never have him come out, just wind him up like North Korea. --HiH

231 Chestnut St., 215-922-1445.

Best Place to Meet Stern-Show-Caliber Chicks

Ashley. Solitaire. Zita. If Dr. Sal Calabro's website (www.salcalabro.com) is any indication of what's shaking at 24th and Pennsylvania these days, Fairmount has become a Howard Stern fan's Graceland. In women walk, after winning some free reconstructive work for telling Stern they think their breasts are too small. Out they stroll, ready for a topless shimmy down a Delilah's pole. Wisely aligning himself with the radio host years ago, there's good reason Calabro earned the "most recognized cosmetic surgeon … probably [in] the world" tag from Playboy. --BH

Best Nonhuman Crowd

Most days of the week, there's a crowd gathered at the corner of Second and Race streets. Sometimes, there will be men dressed in dark suits and sunglasses dancing to the blues. Other times, a CHiPS cop is standing with a gun in his holster or Elvis is wearing a white-fringed jacket, proving he has not left the building. On a weekday morning when the caffeine hasn't quite kicked up the adrenaline, it feels like there's a leftover costume party going on in front of Mr. Bar Stool, and you don't feel quite alone. --HiH

Best Place to Find All Things “Trendy”Though its garish purple façade brings Mexican border towns to mind, Trendy World is pure Chinatown quirk. Stuffed with way cool Choco Cat and Hello Kitty-inspired pens, erasers and stickers, it’s a magnet for middle schoolers. But that’s not all, folks. You want imported automobile accessories, stuffed animals, sticker photos, styling cell-phone cases, elaborately detailed jewelry or strangely compelling ceramic busts of pop-culture icons like Elvis? If you can’t find it at Trendy World, it probably hasn’t been mass-produced. --TB 901 Race St., 215-928-1808. Photo By Michael T. Regan

167 N. Second St., 215-925-4800.

Best Driving-Related Slogans

This year marked the regional debut of two catchy phrases directed at your local motorist: Don't Block the Box and Click it or Ticket. The first appears on South Street, where the hippies meet to block the intersection while they cruise the strip in their moms' minivans. The latter is to remind you to buckle up, or, you know, you'll get a ticket. Both amuse me endlessly. --DA

Best Store For Shoes That are Cute and Butt-Kicking

The high heel has presented a constant fashion dilemma for women who like to run around town. Time Zone's shoe offerings -- including a full complement of Doc Martens -- are adorable, with some even straddling the fine line between fetching and slightly intimidating to anyone who might get in your way. Sure, when they're not on sale, the platformed heels and Union Jacked Docs are pricey; think of the extra money as a payment to the Blister Avoidance Fund, though, and the expenditure becomes even more worth it. --MJ

535 South St., 215-592-8266.

Best Place to Be Subjected to Shameless Marketing While Availing Yourself of Free Internet Access

The concept was, at first, puzzling. What was ING Direct Café, and why were they giving away things? But for those of us who don't have our own personal BlackBerrys, Philly offers few options for Internet access on the fly. If you can handle being part of a marketing experiment, avail yourself of the amenities but skip the lousy coffee. --EL

1636 Walnut St., 215-731-1410.

Best Club for a Guy to Impress the Ladies By Spending Hundreds of Dollars on Cheap Liquor Like Jack Daniels and Absolut

Got money, but can't get chicks? 32º is a posh little hot spot in Old City where the big spenders stop at nothing to get their drink on. You'll find lockers on the walls branded with (mostly men's) names, with bottles of liquor elegantly caged inside. Price for a locker: $1,000 per year ($500 goes toward liquor credit). And there are even bigger lockers behind the bar that hold twice as much. Price for a bigger locker: $2,500 per year ($1,000 toward liquor credit). Just want to buy a bottle of something? Jack Daniels: $180. Absolut: $200. Grey Goose: $220. But the chicks love it. --SO

16 S. Second St., 215-627-3132.

Best Head Massage from a Shampooer

Feeling stressed and tired, partly because among all the things you have to do, you're also in dire need of a haircut? Then head to House Productions. Before you sit down for a trim, Jolene will give you a head massage that will feel like an out-of-body experience. All under the pretense of shampooing and conditioning your hair. Who knew that your temples could have muscle knots? They do, and she'll find them. --HiH

128 S. 19th St., 215-564-9200.

Most Interesting City Publication (Non-City Paper Division)

There's something quite rich to be said about a guy who, having started off drawing felines, publishes an ad-light periodical basically out of pocket. But so goes life when you can't convince businesses to buck up, says Charles Bordin, founder of The Funny Papers of Philadelphia. First published in February 2000, the thin pamphlet is home to odd cartoons like "Judy and the Blob" and "Sometimes It's Good to Go to the Hospital." (Some merely involve stick figures.) This summer, the 12,000-circulation Funnies, which can be found at bars and bookstores, went monthly. "When I first started, all I could draw were cats," the 61-year-old says. "Now, I can draw anything -- as long as you want it to look like a cat." --BH

Most in Need of an Attitude Adjustment

Yeah, we know: People who move to Northern Liberties and complain about it being too trendy deserve a swift boot to the head. And we're willing to put up with lots of things -- places that don't serve Sunday brunch until 11, the fact that there are more coffee shops than corner groceries, the fact that our favorite neighborhood bar becomes an impassable wasteland of Old City refugees on weekend nights. But, waiters of Northern Liberties, can we have that onion and portobello frittata now, please, and not next week? Or maybe you could stop talking to your friends long enough to give us the check, before you have to factor inflation into the bill? The quality of restaurants in the Libs varies, but one thing stays constant: Your server is more interested in looking good than serving well. Exceptions are the (deservedly) pricier Pigalle and Aden, and the thankfully unhip Las Cazuelas, but the rest of you, and you know who you are, pick up the pace. And while we're at it: Ladies, put on a few pounds, and dudes, cover that ass crack. We're trying to eat over here. --SA

Best Reason to Laugh at Tourists

Tourists riding The Ducks think they're being original and funny, laughing at your expense after quacking at you. What they don't realize is that the novelty wore off seven amphibious vehicles ago. Quacking at locals is no more breathtakingly amusing than wearing a "Bikini Inspector" T-shirt. --MFP

Best Spot to Use the Internet for Free

If your computer breaks down and you need a Hotmail fix, the Free Library's main branch is your ticket. Two rows of PCs line the second-floor hallway near the literature and business departments, and a sign-up spot gets you 30 minutes of free high-speed Internet access to do whatever you so choose (well, almost whatever, given Patriot-Act-esque filtering restrictions). If the waiting list is long, fear not. Net-access spots also pepper the library's other departments. Just be mindful when you're elsewhere; some computers are designated for research only, and the staff won't look kindly on you reading The Onion. --JV

1901 Vine St., 215-686-5322.

Best District Cop

There is a myth that if your car is stolen, the police will merely shrug their shoulders. Statistics, however, show that the overwhelming majority are recovered. No officer better embodies that recovery mentality than Officer Dora Crenshaw of the 14th District. The first time I had my car stolen, Crenshaw was pleasant, polite and, better yet, hopeful. She said that, from experience, she knew where the thugs dump stolen vehicles. In less than two hours, she found my van. (OK, so maybe it was stolen again, but that's not her fault.) When you have to deal with police, it's almost always bad news, because let's face it, you wouldn't need the police for good news. But when you deal with cops like Crenshaw, the bad is easier to handle. --HA

Most in Need of a Makeover

We love The Fire, and the attached Philly Bar, one of the few places in Northern Liberties where different kinds of people still mingle over a drink. But though it's a nice place to see a band play, The Fire looks like a college dorm room circa 1972. Album covers from bands like Pink Floyd and Jethro Tull litter the walls, and the Hendrix tee pinned to stage right just screams, "My parents didn't send extra money this month." With a minor face-lift -- not, mind you, an extensive remodel -- The Fire could keep its character and lose the sense that you've got a final to cram for. A visible schedule might help as well, not to mention stripping the walls of posters for shows that happened eight months ago; a friend asked if he could put up posters for his upcoming show, and was told yes, but not to cover any of the museum pieces that take up the most visible spaces. (It's easier to find out who played there in January than who's coming next week.) With Old City gone fully to seed and Fairmount fizzled, the time is ripe for a new venue to pick up the slack. With a fresh coat of paint, it could be The Fire's time. --SA

412 W. Girard Ave., 267-671-9298.

Still the Only Reason to Watch the Weather

Let's face it, none of these folks can tell you yesterday's weather. So, if you are going to snow me, you might as well look great doing it, like Channel 6's Cecily Tynan. --HA

Dumbest City Planning Idea

Why oh why did the city lay train tracks smack in the middle of Columbus/Delaware Avenue? OK, maybe it worked way back when, but this fall, multicar trains have suddenly started running directly through traffic. It used to be that one engine chugged down the avenue every now and then, but lately entire trains have been snaking through the already-congested street, blocking busy intersections and causing motorists to miss multiple green lights. --AW

Best PR Guy

Covering the Phillies is like watching Groundhog Day. You get up, watch them find a way to drop out of the pennant race, go to sleep and it starts all over again. But at least Larry Shenk, the team's public-relations ace, exudes class, helping reporters from organizations large and small navigate the slings and arrows of outrageous egos. --HA

Worst Example of Road Repair

What's with the 3-inch-by-3-inch potholes all over Fishtown/Kensington/Northern Liberties? The Streets Department is supposedly doing repair work, but for months entire squares of pavement have been missing from blocks of Second, Girard, Frankford and Oxford. And the city never put up any signage or warning cones to help drivers avoid a pitfall. Now what happens when your car's axles need repair? --AW

Best 24-Hour Flower Shop

So, it's 3 a.m. You're returning home from a night out with the fellas and you finally remember that your lady's birthday is today (well, technically, it was yesterday). What are you gonna do now, slick? If you're smart, it's off to Trolley Stop Florist, a 24-7 operation that looks out for Northwest Philly's last-minute shoppers and chronic procrastinators. While you may not need flowers at 3 a.m. very often, when you do, you really need them. --MB

7639 Germantown Ave., 215-247-1778.

Best Shop to Cure Small-Town Conformity

Chelsea is a rarity that features fun and funkiness, boasting modern and vintage clothing, chunky shoes, chic bags, candles, incense, bath products and unique household accessories. Most distinctive merchandise? The variety of jewelry, some of which was featured on The View, and other functional products including Joy & Jake’s luggage, which was carried by Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde 2. Owner Maura Hughes has found a successful balance between panache and paint thanks to artist Nick McNamara’s artwork, which adorns the walls. Chelsea offers indulgences for every individual regardless of age, and is guaranteed to satisfy any shopper’s desire. --KW

Best Place to Contemplate the Meaning of a LeafWhy is the sky blue? What is the sound of one hand clapping? (S)he loves me, (s)he loves me not? Eternal questions that have plagued poets and philosophers for centuries will be yours to ponder in the natural serenity of Valley Green. This 1,800-acre woodland expanse features waterfalls, scenic cliffs, 45 miles of trails and enough tree cover to make you temporarily forget that you live in the fifth largest city in America. (Pictured: Autumn Moore enjoys a day at Valley Green.) --MB Bell’s Mill Road, bounded by Ridge and Germantown aves. Photo By Michael T. Regan

18 N. Main St., Doylestown, 215-348-1296.

Best Youth-League Coach

Coach Stewart Calloway of the AAA Mt. Airy White Sox is a guy who not only likes to win, but (along with yours truly) knows how to win, guiding his team of 9- and 10-year-olds to a championship. But, to Coach Stewart, winning is not everything. Teaching kids how to play and how to be good sports is. For kids and their parents, he's the ideal combination of baseball-knowledge dispenser and good-natured instructor, who values the kids as individuals and knows that, ultimately, it is just a game. If more coaches acted like four-year vet Coach Stewart, youth sports would be a whole lot healthier for everyone involved. --HA

Best News for Bridesmaids Everywhere

To all those who are always the bridesmaid, never the bride: You've bought your last ugly dress. That is, if your savvy brides-to-be know enough to take advantage of Maria Romia's dress selection. Romia has become a local staple for exquisite bridal gowns, and this year she expanded her collection to include Currie-Bonner bridesmaid dresses in a number of fabrics and styles. Thank you, Maria, thank you. --DA

2100 Walnut St., 215-564-1011.

Best Place to Pretend You're Going to Live Forever

Pyramids, a delicious and inexpensive Middle Eastern restaurant, also has a bar, but the really unique feature is their tobacco lounge. There, you can smoke flavored Arabic tobacco (strawberry, melon) through a hookah. Bring several friends since the bowls are massive and deserve to be shared. Little plastic hookah condoms are given to groups so you needn't get someone else's cooties while sucking smoke. The best part may be the view, which overlooks Passyunk Avenue. Sit, catch a buzz and watch the traffic head to cheesesteak ground zero as you float away. --AR

1501 E. Passyunk, 215-551-1055.

Best Evidence That 35mm Film is Not Dead Yet

CBOP Photographic Imaging Centers’ two Center City locations offer artist-quality film processing for a couple bucks more than the one-hour machine at the corner drug store. It’s like getting a new and better camera. Check out the neat-o retro white borders, and the best deal in town for traditional black-and-white processing and printing. --PB

15 S. 20th St., 215-997-9970; 142 S. 15th St., 215-977-9007.

Best Intersection to Get Hit By a Mercedes

It is a fatal step when you attempt to cross Walnut Street from the southwest corner of 18th and Walnut. Highfalutin types in their Mercedes, BMWs and Volvos like to speed north on 18th Street and make that sharp, dragster left turn onto Walnut. Never mind the traffic up Walnut is stopped at the red light and you think it's safe to cross. The high-end speedway set ignores pedestrian traffic, so you either take your chances and get hit, or wait until the cars have all turned. But by that time, the light for the Walnut Street traffic has turned green again. --MFP

Nicest Place to Find Unexpected Fireworks

Whether it's the fifth of July or the first of September, fireworks are fun and festive, and there's no shortage of them in this town. On any given night, as long as it's warm, you could happen upon dozens of Fishtowners and No-Libbers who've set up their blankets and beach chairs in Penn Treaty Park to watch fireworks over the Delaware. Vending trucks are open, children wield glowsticks and dogs run wild, making the whole affair feel like a family picnic. The view of the Ben Franklin ain't bad, either. --NA

Columbia and Delaware aves.

Best New Place that Sounds Snooty But Isn't

With large, opaque curtains emblazoned with fancy cursive writing blocking the view into the front window, Oh So Pretty dog salon looks like it might cater only to the most exclusive clients with the most pampered of pets. But inside, the joint is run by two down-to-earth and highly qualified groomers, Tina Grello and Carlin Shafer, who have quickly become established dog people in the dog-obsessed Queen Village neighborhood. The duo seems to have a calming influence on even the most neurotic pooches -- now if we could just get them to work on some of this town's high-strung pet owners … --DA

614 S. Third St., 267-767-7532.

Best Turn-of-the-Century Barbershop Where Men (Only) Get a $10 Cut and $8 Shave

Most men don't want to spend a lot of money on a styling at a poufy salon. Harry's, an old-fashioned barbershop catering to men only, has maintained its historic look and feel by never changing a thing since it opened nearly three decades ago. The cash register and the linoleum floors are antiques, the phones ring with a mechanical bell and the barbers will even trim nose and ear hair for free with a cut. And, like all real barbers, they maintain an ample supply of girlie mags. --MFP

1324 Locust St., 215-545-2626.

Best Under-$25 Women's Haircut in Old City

Living in a trendy neighborhood shouldn't mean you have to pay high-end prices for basic services like a wash, cut and blow-dry. Dave's is the place for women to go for a good wash, cut and style without spending $80 or more. It isn't fancy or hip, but it's clean and simple and does a good job. Ask for Analisa -- she has helpful suggestions on the best look for you. --MFP

47 S. Fourth St., 215-928-0771.

Best Glass to Pound on When Keeping Rhythm for a Half-Naked Gyrating Woman

As the barely clad dancers from the Rouge dance troupe whirled and flipped and did amazing things with Hula-Hoops, throbbing Latin rhythms blared from the speakers. Sitting at a table with three strangers, what else was there to do but keep time by banging my knife on the drink glasses? (A different one for each course of the sampling of Denim's new menu, of course.) Most of the glasses did not have the same lush tone, so I told the waiter to take them because they don't sound right. But the Rob Roy glass? Perfect pitch, wonderful sound. A fine percussion instrument. --HA

1712 Walnut St., 215-735-6700.