October 30-November 5, 2003

cover story

Blech!

Around this place, where everybody loves their food fresh and free, something's amiss when a conference-table spread goes untouched. Well, that's exactly what happened last week during our fast-food cheesesteak-ripoff taste-testing session. For good reason, too. These knockoffs downright suck. --Brian Hickey

McDonald's McPhilly Cheesesteak ($3.99)

No cheesesteak should come in a hot dog-style box. Ever. But ignoring that disgrace, McDonald's actually took this competition. This, even though the bread was soggy and the meat tough enough to sustain a punch from Balboa. But at least there wasn't a gnarly, with-you-till-bedtime aftertaste.

Arby's Philly Beef and Swiss ($3.99)

It ain't even steak, for chrissake. And what's wit the Swiss? Is this bizarro-Philly or something? The roll was OK, but it's just roast beef with a couple friggin' peppers. Shame on you, Arby's.

Domino's Philly Cheesesteak Pizza ($10.70)

In the words of one reviewer, "This was revolting. I nearly choked trying to get it down." In its defense, though, the steak was actually steak, and it didn't even have a gray hue, like some of the competition did. Too pricey for the size, though.

Quiznos Philly Cheesesteak (half: $3.99; full: $6.99)

The "steak" sits in a bin behind a sneeze guard. The cheese comes out of a bag. A plastic bag. Sacrilegious! The toasted bread is a nice touch, but you'll rue the day you took a bite of this sandwich.

-- Respond to this article in our Forums -- click to jump there