Vive La Difference

by Bruce Schimmel

PARIS-- If President Bush hopes to have the French join his war against Iraq, maybe he ought to get out of Texas and visit Paris. He might want to note some of the more critical cultural differences -- those tiny details that mean so much.

Better Drugs for Big and Small: In most residential neighborhoods in Paris, drugstores are usually the most brightly lit store on any block. Moreover, pharmacists can prescribe for whatever ails you, or even for whatever ails your dog or cat.

Better Butter, Thinner Bodies: There seems to be no relationship to the amount of fat that is consumed and the size of the average French body. The French are thin. Here's one explanation: French meal portions are way smaller than American standards.

Small Cars, Petite People: With the price of gasoline two to four times as expensive as America, cars here are minuscule. So perhaps just as a fish in a cramped tank will not outgrow its allotted space, the French seem to have adapted to their tiny automobiles.

Public-tize, Not Privatize: While the mood in Washington is to reconfigure assets (and wars) to enrich private interests rather than benefit the public, France seems to understand still the concept of a commonwealth. Elevators, cars and apartments may be tiny by American standards, but parks and public transportation are ubiquitous and easily accessible. Clean, too.

Here's A Tip... Nothing: While Americans seem determined to make the restaurant and other service industries safe for corporate profits, the French continue to make the lives of servers and their ilk more secure. They don't introduce themselves or suck up to you for a tip, because tips nowadays are included in the price of the meal.

Time on Their Side: And while waiters may not be paid to cozy up to you, you are encouraged -- expected -- to take your time in everything from a cup of coffee to lunch. If this is the land of love, it is likely because flirting is a national art, and seduction -- like everything important -- takes time.

So while Washington seems to be rushing toward another quickie war, the French are not disposed by politics, culture or morality to charge into a quagmire.

Pre-emptive slaughter on the basis of what-ifs? Non, I can hear them say. Non, Monsieur Bush.

Sit, think, have another cup of coffee -- and try to get to know the rest of humanity a little better.