While I'm by no means resolutin' for the new year, there are things I don't want to see in 2003, and vow to kill for if I do. 1) No more color e-mails, especially brown. 2) No vague e-mail descriptions of what you do. Here's a recent example: Blank 'is a stylish and sophisticated organization dedicated to Philly's blossoming nightlife scene¨; blank 'embraces energy and strives to transform untapped potential into a reality.¨ What do you mean? What are you selling? 3) No more rock essays or big musical overviews resulting in nothing but nattering opinion, unless your name is Nick Kent or you're about to die and these are your last words. 4) Note to bar owners: No more kids. Once I hit 30 (not that long ago), the sight of underageds became the unsexiest thing. If I want children with me while I'm drinking, I'll call Al Alberts and we'll put on a show. 5) No more 'The¨ bands are necessary. 6) No more civic honors doled out to just anybody -- Hack's David Morse made an honorary cop? How about making him an actor and getting that lousy TV show together? 7) Using Nora Ephron's maxim 'no one has good taste and a sense of humor,¨ I would like to state that not everyone who thinks they can write about fashion or style should. 8) Stop whining. Anyhoo, something neat down the pike: R5 booked dark-instrumentalists Godspeed You Black Emperor! for March 3. Why's that big news? They've been booked into Starlight Ballroom at Ninth and Hamilton, the old club once operated by David Carroll (who I hear may be planning a Bar Noir expansion soon), which I haven't been in since I was underaged. You bartenders and waitstaffers feel unappreciated? On Jan. 8, 32º will hold an 'In The Know¨ post-NYE biz party, with noise-makers, hats and WYSP DJ Jacky Bam Bam. Elliot Levin/Charles Cohen/Rick Iannacone's Interplay Ensemble welcome home Steve Buchanan -- a '70s local nu-music saxophonist/guitarist for Taka-I-Ki and ILTAR -- at Tritone Jan. 6. WhoWhatWhere: Mayor John Street supped with a bunch of U of P types on Christmas Eve at Maggiano's. After they got trounced by the Sixers, Lakers Brian Shaw, Samaki Walker and Robert Horry showed up at 32º, where they were greeted by 76er boss Billy King with a bottle of Ketel One. (Also in the house: N.J. native 90210 star Vincent Young.) Nas stopped by Indre Studios for Colby Cole's WPHI 'Behind the Beat.¨ Look out for Eve all over the media. Not only will her Philly Kiehl's appearance show up in People mag's Jan. 3 ish, she'll appear as a paramedic on NBC's Third Watch on Jan. 6. Rumors: While we wait to see if Circa renews its soon-up lease on Walnut Street (please do), I hear real estate developer Tony Goldman is thinking about dropping the jewel in his purchasing crown: North Broad's Divine Lorraine. Say it ain't so, T. I know it's been a slow start for 13th Street, but. The SicKidz play a last gig Jan. 4 at The North Star with Helen Back, until their CD release party in March or April. Dena Marchiony's Philadelphia Songwriters Project (with Theater Catalyst) is still seeking folks for their Second Sunday showcases that start Jan. 12 at The Playground at the Adrienne (2030 Sansom St.). Send three-song tapes, CDs or lyric sheets to Phila. Songwriters Project, P.O. Box 56079, Phila, Pa., 19130. While Ben Edwards and me -- A.D. -- take over Twenty21 starting at Happy Hour on Jan. 3, Robin Parry is set to turn the Market Street bote into something more than just music, with opening comedians followed by a full concert by a headlining band (they get the whole evening to perform!), free hors d'oeuvres and performances screened on closed-circuit TV in the back of the lounge. 'I'm talking with theater companies Vagabond and Bloody Someday about doing three full-scale productions as dinner theater with Club Nostradamus bands do[ing] the orchestrations and audition[ing], as well, for some of the parts,¨ says Parry. The Rigbees and Julia Othmer join big $$ winner Amber diLaurentis at The Tin Angel Jan. 4. Sean Adamz's Psy-Ops debuts Jan. 2 at the Balcony, having just finished three tunes at Dome Sound studio with producer Raahu Gavalis (of Bloodhound Gang fame) for full CD due in March. Welcome Cleveland! 215 and Foundation present The Cleveland Connect Boyz Gone Wyld Winter Tour --10 bands, 30 minutes each, starring the likes of Girl Talk and Dysis -- at The Rotunda Jan. 3. Not a second more, you fuckers. Happy b-day to Ruff whatever-it's-called-now boss Chris Schwartz and to Remedy mistress Rahnon, who hung with Erick Sermon and Killah Priest at their post-TLA gig at Fluid.